I have some meddlesome in-laws. They are always putting their nose in our business and I canât stand it. Rosie, if itâs not what I am cooking, itâs what the children are wearing. If I am visiting my family, they get an attitiude because they claim they donât get the same amount of time with us. Meanwhile, I canât get them out of the house, Rosie! What is killing me is that their son, my husband, doesnât say a word!{{more}} The last straw recently was my mother-in-law calling my mother to work out a schedule with seeing the children! She has lost her mind, Rosie, and I canât believe that my husband doesnât have anything to say. How can I get him to help me create boundaries with them? My own family is not this involved and I like it like that.
Fed up!
Hello Fed up,
Yes, indeed, I would be pretty done too! I canât imagine living this life of my in-laws in my business and all the time at that. This type of intrusion can be very destructive to a young family whoâs trying to find their own way and establish themselves as a unit.
Now, in regard to your hubby not saying anything, I think he has been so accustomed to his parents running the show all his life that he has allowed them to attempt to take over yours. This is not good and you WILL have to put your foot down in order to get this to stop, with or without him.
You see, I think that in-laws get a bad rap, but itâs just that some of them canât cut the ties with their children as being their “babiesâ. Sometimes they are resentful because the spouse seems to be taking their role away from them. It all goes back to the fact that they are not ready to face or address the fact that their children are now grown adults.
I think you and your husband will have to sit down both sets of in-laws and have a chat. Let them know that you love and appreciate them along with all of their concern for your family; however, you are pretty much over them coming into your household and trying to take over. Then, tell them it is going to end. They should call before coming, not be over critical when dealing with your children and decisions and if they have suggestions to give, you are willing to hear them, but itâs up to both of you to take the advice.
Well, please know that this type of “interventionâ may not go well and there maybe some “bad feelingsâ for a while. I would ask a neutral and level-headed contemporary of your in-laws to also assist you in facilitating this meeting. You will not be the first or the last couple who will be dealing with this, but how you deal with it will make the difference in the long run. Your husband will have to speak up also. You will get over this sticky situation; just be respectful and firm.
Rosie
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