I am worried that my 15-year-old daughter may be pregnant

Dear Life Coach,

Lately, my 15-year-old daughter has been very sleepy and listless. Two mornings in a row she said she did not want breakfast because of an upset stomach; she had eaten something that did not agree with her (Saturday night) when she was out with friends. It is now a week and her stomach has not calmed down. {{more}}I recall that she did not have her period last month, but I did not say anything because I know that in the past it has been late or absent sometimes. I must admit that I have always trusted my daughter to do the right thing and so I have permitted her to go out with “good friends” from time to time. However, I must say that I am concerned that my daughter may be pregnant because she has not been as open with me lately as she used to be. I feel as if she is hiding something from me, but I am afraid to ask, because if she is not pregnant – then she will feel that I do not trust her and this may spoil our relationship. If she is – then I don’t know what I am going to do.

Potential Grandmother (PG)

Dear PG,

You are worried that your daughter may be pregnant and you do not know how to ask her about this.

A number of factors are at work here: developmental stage, potential teen pregnancy, pregnancy test, mother-daughter relationship, teen supervision, positive peer relationship, among others. These I will address briefly.

Developmental Stage

Your daughter is in the early adolescent stage of her development and should be focused on developing an identity, as well as school achievement, heterosexual relationships, peer acceptance and physical maturation.

Teen Pregnancy

Pregnancy during the teen years is associated with multiple risks for both the adolescent and the infant including the following: low birth-weight or premature birth, complications during delivery such as hypertension, Caesarean section, perinatal asphyxia and perinatal mortality.

Pregnancy Test

Pregnancy tests may be purchased over the counter or may be done in a doctor’s office. A sample of blood or urine is usually required for this test.

Mother-Daughter Relationship

It is important for mothers and daughters to have a good relationship, since daughters eventually internalize the character traits and values of their mothers in the process of becoming a woman. This is especially important during the teen years when females are seeking to develop an identity.

Teen Supervision

Adolescents are in constant need of supervision, since they have under-developed decision making capabilities. They are also prone to experimentation (sexuality, drugs and risk taking). They also feel invincible and are unsuspecting of imminent danger. They are easily led astray by negative peer elements, and are susceptible to being bullied and abused.

Positive Peer Relationships

Peer group acceptance is important to adolescents, as it is within the group that individuals are validated, and learn to believe in themselves, as they seek to find an identity. So, most teens will do anything in order to gain peer acceptance. It is of utmost importance therefore, that adolescents are involved with positive peers, that are most likely to be found in constructive extra-curricular activities that are supervised by trustworthy adults. Teenagers who are left to hang out aimlessly with peers are at risk for being influenced negatively.

Physical Examination/Pregnancy Test If the problem persists, it may be important to take your daughter to the doctor. Even without you questioning her, the doctor will be able to examine her and prescribe a pregnancy test (blood test) if he or she suspects pregnancy. If it is unrelated to pregnancy, the doctor should be able to prescribe something that could help her stomach problem.

Increase Supervision

It is clear that your daughter is in need of increased supervision. A 15 year old female should not be allowed to be out with friends unsupervised until it is late for any reason. This privilege should be immediately reversed. Plan activities for your daughter with friends in which they are constructively occupied and supervised by a responsible adult. You may also consider inviting some of her friends over and supervising them.

Maintain Rapport

It is important to maintain open communication with your daughter. Adolescence may be a very difficult period and some teenagers become sad and lonely easily, so as a parent you should make every effort to stay in the loop so your daughter will feel comfortable talking to you about issues in her life.

If your Daughter is Pregnant

Physical Intimacy: Find out if your daughter has a boyfriend with whom she has been physically intimate. If the answer is yes, then he is most likely the father. Date Rape or Acquaintance Rape: If the answer is no. Find out if your daughter has been forced into a sexual situation or consented to sexual contact with anyone for any reason while she was out with friends. If the answer is yes, then, depending on the situation, legal action against the perpetrator may be implicated.

PG, the thought of your daughter’s youth being curtailed prematurely is frightening. Hopefully, it is just a stomach flu and nothing more.

Life Coach

DYNACII

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