Be an influencer who builds people up

“As a leader, you have an incredible opportunity to change someone’s life every single day. Leadership is never about tearing people down, it’s all about helping people become the very best version of themselves.”

Leadership First

The most fulfilling part of being in a position of influence for me, is the many opportunities that present themselves for me to build people, to show them a side of themselves they were probably too cast down to see, to have people leaving my presence feeling better about themselves than they did walking in.

Many years ago, I stumbled upon a treasure chest. I discovered that I had an uncanny ability to harness potential in people they did not know they possess. I discovered that I was able to get seeds of confidence to germinate and flourish where doubt previously bloomed. Every day since then, I have been using that gift to enlarge the people I interact with.

Once you are in a position of influence, you are doing either of two things – building people up or breaking them down. Choose to be a builder. Rarely do I have stereotypical disciplinary conversations. I believe how things are said is more powerful than what is said. I believe that there is good in every employee, otherwise, he or she would not be an employee. Here is what a disciplinary conversation with me sounds like:

One day, I received a call from a supervisor stating that an employee was refusing to do what he was being asked. My response to the supervisor, ‘Send him to me for a chat.’

A few minutes later, there was a knock on my door and in walked Bret. Tall, baggy clothes, braided hair.

He was a young man in his twenties. It was his first time coming to my office and he was visibly nervous.

“You sent for me?” “Yes, good morning. Have a seat and may I please have a minute just to finish an email?”

“I am sorry for keeping you waiting. Now you have my undivided attention. How are you doing?”

“I am fine, and you?” He replied. “I am good. You are Bret?” “Yes please.” “Somehow I didn’t remember you as being Bret.” We both chuckled. “What is going on over there?” I asked.

He started off, “Boy, that man John isn’t an easy man to deal with, he is taking everybody to the office.”

Bret offloaded about having to do his job and other employees’ job and that couldn’t even get a break.

When he was finished, I empathized with him, told him I understood how he felt, then I asked if he was open to considering things from a different perspective. With his permission I said, “The way I see it is, you are being asked to do someone else’s job even after you would have done your assigned task because you are good at what you do. If you were incompetent, you would not have been asked to assist others after you have done your task”.

I asked about his aspirations in the company, and he mentioned that he intended to migrate soon. I said, “By virtue of you being here, you are in the history of our company and whether you go or stay you will be remembered. Every day you show up, you determine how you will be remembered. So, how do you want to be remembered? Do you want to be remembered as someone who helped to carry the company or as someone who was carried by the company? Do you want your name to be called when reference is being made of a model employee or of a slacker?”

When I was finished, he smiled and said, “I never looked at it like that”.

We chatted some more and then I asked, “So what are you going to do when you go back to your department?” With a big smile on his face, he said “help where I am needed”. I told him to come and find me anytime he wanted to chat, and we said our goodbyes.

Instead of scolding Bret, we had a conversation. He felt heard and his feelings were validated. Refusing to carry out a request of your supervisor is defiance. However, I was more impactful taking the approach I did than if I were to remind him of his employment contract and threaten his employment. Bret had not been with that company long, and prior to that conversation, every time we crossed paths he deliberately looked the other way. However, after that conversation, Bret intentionally greeted me with a hearty hello and a big smile. It is fair to say that his initial perception of me was changed during that conversation.

A couple days ago, I received a message from someone from a previous life, sending me new year’s greetings. The message brought with it a flood of happy memories of the camaraderie we shared. Here’s an excerpt from the message “You created so many avenues that assisted my path, that upgraded the systematic performances of the department I managed. I enjoyed your clairvoyance.”

One way or the other, we influence people with our leadership style. Be a leader who enlarges the people around you. Here’s the links to two inspiring stories on how I use my influence to build people up daily.

https://karenhearttalk.com/why-i-traded-in-a-job-to-live-the-life-i-have-now/ https://karenhearttalk.com/why-i-traded-in-a-job-to-live-the-life-i-have-now-part-2/