March 4, 2011
Dogs: If only they could talk

1. Holy cow! What indignity. Couldn’t you find another place to stick that thermometer?

2. Blaming your poops on me … not funny … not funny at all.

3. Dog clothes, hello??? Haven’t you noticed the fur?

4. Don’t blow in my face! Would you like me to blow in yours?

5. Stop talking to me in that funny baby voice, I am a grown up dog.{{more}}

6. Yelling at me for barking. I am a blooming dog, can’t you see that?

7. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

8. Taking me to the Vet for “the big snip” then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!

9. Why do you act disgusted when I lick myself? Look, we both know the truth. You’re just jealous.

10. Getting upset when I sniff the bum of your guests. Sorry, but I haven’t quite mastered that handshake thing.

11. The hand movement, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog. Whoooo ooooo, what a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

12. Yes, I heard you, I am just ignoring you. You called my name ten times already.

13. Why are you upset with me for not eating dinner? I am a carnivore, remember? I don’t relish dumplins and provisions.

14. Yes, it is cute when you scratch my belly and my foot starts to move like crazy, yes, I like it, but come on, it gets tiring, don’t over do it.

15. Yes, I am in heat, but why do you think you can force me to mate with this strange ugly dog? Can’t you understand that I don’t like him?

16. Sorry I had to jump the fence, but my hormones are surging.

17. You left me home alone, and yet you are upset with me for doing some hand exercises. You could plant some trees in the holes I dug.

18. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose. Stop it.

19. Any haircut that involves bows and ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you’re not home.

For further information, contact: Dr. Collin Boyle Unique Animal Care Co. Ltd. Tel: 456 4981