by Neal Jackman

Most people aim for total safety in their houses. That is probably one of the reasons why intrusions are hardly tolerated, especially when that violation is accomplished by a scorpion.

Yes, I said it. A “bite you once and you gone through” critter, without invitation or consent, appeared next to my bed at 2 A.M. dropping its snapping lyrical claws and making its petition known unto me. I had to play “hard to get” and refuse. {{more}}

However you look at it, there was only going to be one of us left. I knew that if I accepted any advances from the “nighttime assassin” I would have been the one left crushed. I am still thanking the Lord and querying whether or not I have any lucky stars left. However despite the encounter I found some use for the “midnight love-giver/life taker”.

An old hobby of mine came into play and I made the decision that the least I could do was make a model out of the critter – a super model even.

I got out the tripod, lights and fancy umbrellas that I use to make pretty and not so pretty girls appear soft and inviting and went to work. Phase one.

Phase two was safety. I rigged a little finger defense mechanism out of a hair ornament – a little something left behind by a previous bedroom visitor. The stage was set and the photo shoot began and ended without incident. Lucky me! Lucky me? Yes, but not lucky critter.

Reality set in and I knew that we had to part ways before a more likely mate for myself came knocking on my door. I had to! I admit it. I used her and then I put her down permanently. As beautiful as she was, she was going to kill me or at least try.

In no time she was lost to my sight in the fog a generous coating of insecticide in an enclosed 2 litre apple juice bottle. I had a few regrets about how things ended though – but only just a few.