Hey Rosie,

How you doing? I must say that I enjoy reading your columns every week and the good advice that you give to people. First of all I am very well educated. I am a school teacher 27 years old and been teaching for the past 5 years. I am involved with this guy, I have known him well most of my life, we both grown up together, he is 30 years, I love him very much he and his son. I also have 2 girls which they are crazy over him , his family are very nice people and they also know me from the time I was a baby. The thing is that he get these phone calls from, well I know they are ladies, and when they call him is like even if he tells them his wife is here and he can’t talk they still want to have long conversation with him. I get really angry with this, I love him and don’t want to lose him. When we both met we promised each other that we both would have friends but be faithful. I don’t know what to do, if he needs anything I also give it to him cause I know once he has he do the same.

Please Help Me

Dear Please Help Me
 
Thank you and I do hope you will continue to be a weekly reader.  Now let’s talk about your situation. Your problem is something that I know many women have experienced and will continue to experience. That is the lack of boundaries by other women.  It would seem that you have the makings of a very decent relationship, with the potential for great success going forward.  However, you must address this “hiccup” with your other half.

 You see there will always be women, and men too, who will try to “chip” away at a committed relationship.  They will come under the guise of being a friend, a concerned supporter, in your case a “phone buddy”.  Now who really needs this type of drama in a relationship to begin with?  No one.

 I have had a similar situation, where this lady (who is now a pretty good friend) would call my house all the time to talk about her relationship with my hubby.  At first, I was just taking it in.  But then I realised that this behaviour was obtrusive and beginning to work my nerves.  So I had a sit down with my husband to discuss how I felt.  He understood and told her, but she didn’t seem to get the message.  So I had a sit down with her (sometimes you have to kick in the door yourself!). I explained to her that I had empathy for her situation; however my husband was not her therapist.  I also added that she would not like it if the shoe were on the other foot.  Needless to say, there was no more confusion after that.

 I shared this little story (with my husband’s permission of course) to say this; you will have to have your own little “sit-down” with your man.  If this relationship is worth fighting for, explain how it makes you feel, why it troubles you and what you would like for him to do.  Your man is the one who has to put a  stop to this, plain and simple.  When someone calls, either he has a quick conversation, which he states firmly that he can’t talk at the moment, or he can simply ignore the call.  On the other hand please also understand that he is allowed to have friends and be able to talk to them in your presence.  He shouldn’t have to feel that every situation he would have to walk on eggshells because you are on edge.  So find that middle ground.  You will need it in order to build that solid foundation going forward.

 I wish both of you much success in the future.  Compromise comes in many forms.
 
Rosie

l Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines