Greetings to you and I must say I read your column every week and think that is my time to ask for you help. My problem is I have been with my gf for the last 9 1/2 years now we were living together for the first 4. Everything was going well then she had no problem with me or nothing I do. When I met her I had as always a lot of female friends because I can trust and talk to them when I want to and I won’t hear back nothing I tell them. The thing is Rosie since we move in together there the problem start she always accusing me of things I don’t know and always figure I got other woman always think that when I come from work late I been somewhere with a woman, if my phone rings she say its a woman. I have no private life. I even went to the point of getting engage to her to prove to her that I love her and there is nothing going on between me and these female friends of mines. I wanted to get married to her over 3 years now but I don’t think I can get married to her with the intention of she changing and I am fed up with her accussing and judging me so please tell me what can I do in this situation. I love this girl. I give her everything she wants and need. I provide for her in every way I can but I am just fed up!
Just Fed Up
Dear Just Fed Up,
You answered all your own questions. I am here to tell you that you are an intelligent young man who already knows the messy future that may lie ahead.
1. You said for the first four years all was well, you had female friends and this wasn’t a problem, until you both moved in together. Hmmm well let’s see, she was on her best behavior and now that you are living together she’s not feeling this “female friendship” business. If it was ok before why the change? Did you do something? Or she just realized they are women?
2. Ok onto the next situation; so after accusing you when you work late of cheating and if the phone rings with a female on the other end you have hell to pay. You then take it upon yourself to ask her to marry you? Really? Be serious for a moment, did you think it was a smart move when you were doing it? Or was the ring to stop the nagging? Either way this wasn’t a good move.
3. Finally, and most importantly you are very unhappy.You can love her like baby loves milk, but if the milk has curdled it isn’t good for you. I haven’t heard a word about counseling via the church, or support group. There aren’t any real talk about you both having specific goals and plans to make this union work. I only heard the major phrase “fed up”.
I mean no disrespect to both of you, however you had your answer before you wrote me. It isn’t a good setup at the moment and there is a lot of work to be done just to become respectful partners much less husband and wife. Believe me sometimes you have to be harsh to be kind. Look within; you already know what to do. Peace and Blessings to you both.
Send questions to Rosie at: firstname.lastname@example.org or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines