I’ve never taught (sic) I will find my self in this position asking someone for advice, since I am the one that give the advice to my friends or even strangers. I’ve been reading your column since I was 15 and I must say the work you do is complimentary.
I am a female in my early 20’s and I need your advice. I am married to the man I loved for 7yrs now (newly married). We have been on and off but finally fell back in love which is perfect and got married. When we were separated we both saw other people, but they never worked so here we are me and him.
While we were engaged he cheated on me but I still went and got married to him, I don’t know if I forgive him but I defo have not forgotten. I keep thinking that he is going to cheat on me again but when I ask he sound so sincere and tell me that he cheated because he didn’t know what he wanted and now we are married nothing like that will ever happen again. I want to believe him but I am scared he will cheat again. Please put my mind at ease.
Thanks in advance
Dear Put My mind at ease,
I am sorry to hear that you are going through all of this doubt and pain; however, you would have had a better chance for peace if you and your hubby had sought counseling before you jumped the broom. Pre-marriage counseling is SO important. Many couples think it’s a waste of time but you would be so surprised the things you uncover regarding your spouse to be!
It isn’t too late for both of you though. If you are in a loving and committed relationship and you both want this relationship to thrive, you would both seek marriage counseling to help with the lack of trust that’s happening so early in this relationship. You are carrying around so much hurt, mis-trust and even anger; you wouldn’t be able to hide this for much longer.
You seem to be a very perceptive young woman, who is in touch with her feelings and instincts. So there is nothing worse than a wife on Police Watch on her husband (even when he’s innocent). So before you destroy this marriage before it has a fair opportunity to start and flourish seek help. Go to a marriage counselor, your pastor or someone who can be neutral and help mediate these issues. Also explain to your husband without starting a fight why it is so important to you for this counseling. Men really do not like this touchy feely getting deep with their emotions deal. But he may eventually come around. Even if he doesn’t want to at this time, YOU should go and talk to someone about your insecurities and pain. It will do you a world of good. Finally a man can change (if he wants to) you can’t make him. So the ball is in your court. I wish you and your husband all the success in this young union. Hopefully you can build a strong foundation for the future. Be blessed.
Send questions to Rosie at: firstname.lastname@example.org or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines