HEY ROSIE,

I REALLY hope you can help me. I am in a sticky situation . My beautiful daughter is 12 and it’s always been just she and I. The thing is she doesn’t know who her dad is and now that she’s getting older she has more and more questions. So here’s the problem – she is not my biological child . Her mother is my much younger cousin who had her as a teenager . The family knows but we all decided that we would wait until she was older, but it seems as though the time is now. Moreover, my cousin isn’t very sure who her father is either. Rosie this is such a mess and I don’t know how to approach this . We all love her (including her biological mom ) who she has a great relationship with .

Nervous

Dear Nervous,

I can imagine how anxious you are feeling, plus you do not want to hurt your daughter’s feelings. This conversation may require some professional intervention.

The other challenge is that twelve is a tricky age, she’s a pre-adolescent and she’s also dealing with all of the emotional issues she has on a daily basis at this age, so making sure that she’s handled properly is tremendously important. Do you think she’s ready? These are the many questions you have to ask yourself.

The immediate family will all need to be on the same page, having the support system is so very important. No matter how she takes the news she will have to be constantly reassured that she is very loved and this was done because she was wanted .

Finally, please seek the help of a professional family therapist to guide you in telling her the truth. I know you are scared, but you knew this day was going to come – so put a plan in place and step forward in faith.

Good luck!

Rosie