I am 29 years old, engaged to a very wonderful young lady and we have two young ones who are both under two years old. We both work full time and I am in school… finishing up school. Rosie, life is hectic and on top of that, we are planning a wedding for next year July.
The problem is that my lady says that I don’t spend enough time with her and I am not romantic. She even says we don’t have enough sex. Rosie, I told her it’s the too much sex why we are in this situation right now. I love my kids and my girl, but it is too much! I feel as though the walls are closing in around me and her pressure is getting to me. So we have been yelling back and forth and I’ve even had to sleep at my mom’s house for a few nights, because it’s getting tense. She even accused me of cheating and I asked her when would I have the time? How can this stop, Rosie? How can she get it that I am just trying to get into a better position for us to move forward. She is really draining me and I feel like calling off the wedding.
Wo, I can hear your desperation and frustrations as I read your letter. First take a couple of deep breaths, then I am going to tell you that these issues are all very normal for young couples with little ones. It’s a serious juggling act to attend to everyone’s needs equally, so knowing how to manage your time is very important.
If you guys are getting married in a church I would seek pre-marital counselling ASAP! If the pastor is any good he would be able to give both of you have some “REAL” advice regarding what is not working at this stage. If you are both open to this please do it, you will learn some great tips even on how to “fight fair” with each other.
Both of your plates are so full and you still need that time to connect as a young couple, this is truly an important factor as well. Maybe the grandparents or siblings could take the kids once a week so you guys can go out and just connect? Sometimes it’s even just going to the store without a crying baby in the shopping cart. I totally get it, I’ve been there and it’s hard. However, knowing that you need to take some time for each other is very important and lets the other person know that they are a priority in your life. It’s truly a balancing act.
If there is no counselling via the church look into a therapist who deals with couples – especially young ones like yourself. It will work out, but you MUST put in the work. If both of you don’t, then you are going to have major issues going forward. I wish you all nothing but the very best going forward.
Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or PO Box 152, Kingstown,St Vincent & the Grenadines