Hey Rosie,

My problem is getting bigger the closer I get to my girlfriend. She is beautiful, bright and is in college pursuing her degree in nursing; she also has a two-year-old daughter from a previous relationship. But the big problem, Rosie, is that she dances on the weekend in a strip club. She was up front about doing this and at first I thought it was “different”, so I didn’t care much; but now that we are getting closer, our families have met and I really like her daughter, I am not feeling this gig anymore. She said it allows her to work parttime, take care of her daughter and go to school full-time. Rosie, how do I tell her that I would like her to stop? That I don’t like other guys trying to hit on her and I think that she is way better than this? I really have some deep feelings for this young lady and I think I can see a future with her. What should I do? Say something or just walk away before it’s too late?

Deep Feelings

Dear Deep Feelings,

Well, let me tell you a little factoid – you are already emotionally invested in this relationship, so at this stage you will have to decide how you are going to deal with making this relationship work for both of you.

Let me say that dancing in a strip club can be a huge curve to get over, once she starts her professional career; this is a real issue that your girlfriend will have to deal with in the future. There will be many people who will always use this against her because of the stigma that goes with it. You never mentioned if your family knows about this situation and how they feel about it. I can see that being another hurdle as well. Nonetheless, I can tell that you have deep feelings for your girlfriend, so you are going to have to sit her down and share your true feelings. Tell her exactly what you told me. I would make sure that you highlight all of her positive attributes, such as: her being a good mother, a goal-oriented person and a great girlfriend. You can talk about future goals (hers and yours as a couple) and let her know how much what she’s doing bothers you.

Please realize that she may be receptive to what you have to say, or she may be very offended. If you are willing to be open and let her know your feelings, then you have to be open to let her say her piece as well. It’s better to do this now before you guys take this relationship to the next level. I truly wish you both the best going forward.