Hey Rosie

Last year December, my boyfriend and I were having supper and we were going through pics on his phone. I saw a picture of a girl under his Whatsapp pics folder. When I saw it, I was very disturbed. I asked if I could I see the picture on his phone and he didn’t wanna give me the phone and said it’s his personal stuff (phone privacy). He doesn’t like me going through his phone in general.{{more}} I said if he doesn’t give me his phone and show me, I’m gonna break up with him. He then gave me his phone and said I can go through all his pics and Whatsapp messages. He was upset with me because I didn’t trust him and went through his phone. He said the picture of the girl on his Whatsapp is a friend of his he used to work with and he can’t even remember how it got there. He was disappointed that I took his phone and went through it and he said I must have more faith in him. He said he’s a friendly guy and that he has pics of guys and girls on his phone. What do you think, was I overreacting?

I went through his phone in the past and found flirtatious messages to other girls. When I confronted him about it, he said it’s nothing serious and he’s not cheating on me with any of those girls. We broke up and made up after three months. He wanted to fix things with me again.

Things were going well until I saw the pic and that put fear and doubt in my mind concerning our future. He has been talking about getting married and wants us to be engaged in about two months. He’s a really good guy and spends lots of time with me and he really shows he cares for me.

Please help.

T

Hello T,

You have to step back for a moment and take a long hard look at yourself. The root of your pain lies with your own insecurities.

When I read that you insisted to see your boyfriend’s phone with his messages and pictures, I thought to myself that this was a very invasive move. If the shoe was on the other foot, you wouldn’t have liked it either.

Also, whatever happened to mutual trust and respect for another person’s privacy? You see, if you know in your heart that he’s not cheating or if he’s giving you no reason to suspect any infidelity – why are you snooping this hard?

At the end of the day no matter how much policing you do, if a man or woman wants to cheat, you can’t stop them. Everyone is responsible for his or her own actions and you have to decide what type of relationship you are willing to settle for. Are you the type of person who will have a thousand questions about every person who smiles or says “hi” to your partner? Or are you going to take each situation on a case by case basis and trust him until you have a reason to do otherwise?

The bottom line is you have some inner anxieties that you must address. Maybe this was the type of behaviour you saw growing up? Or you think it’s the norm? Whichever it is, go talk to someone about dealing with this. I think you have a decent partner who wants to be with you; however, I don’t think he will always put up with your intrusive actions. Continue to grow together, giving each other mutual trust, respect and support.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com

or PO Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines