My mother is very abusive; she chokes and hits me
I am a 17-year-old teenager; I always read your articles and find them very inspiring; your words of advice are very helpful. This is my first time writing to you. I need your help! My mother is a very abusive lady; sometimes I love her, sometimes I wish she could die. My father brought me a phone and she mash it up. I am daddyâs lil girl, he always says Iâm his favourite. She choked me off, hit me in my chest, which now gives me problems breathing, and make that worse I have asthma.{{more}} Sometimes I think of committing suicide, but then I think it wonât be worth it; sometimes I want to run away, but I canât. I donât know what else to do. She always tries to live my life. I know sheâs my mom and she has an opinion, but she wants to choose my friends for me, she wants to tell me when to go to sleep, she wants to tell me what shows to watch on TV, what music to listen to etc. I try to build a relationship with her, but itâs hard. One moment she is an easy person to talk to and the next sheâs not. She was a changed woman once upon a time, but then she changed back to the old woman she used to be. Rosie, Iâm tired of the abuse. I donât know what else to do. Please help me!!
Broken/Tired
Dear Broken/Tired,
My heart really goes out to you! Some people would say to me that I am only going by just your side of the story and that isnât right, but guess what, there is no disputing that this experience makes you feel very sad. So, I respect what you are telling me.
I am also so happy that you have the emotional intelligence to know that killing yourself is NEVER the answer! You are worth too much and you will survive this and be so much stronger one day. I think it is unfortunate that your mother doesnât always have the right approach when she wants to deal with you, but I strongly suspect that she is a product of how she was raised. I donât think she has the right “toolsâ when it comes to parenting and unfortunately you are getting the short end of the stick.
At this stage, being 17 and almost done with secondary school etc, I would really remain very focused on finishing your education, figuring out what your future holds and work as hard as possible to remove yourself from this environment. She should never choke, hit or verbally abuse you. Also her telling you what to do again is only for a little while longer (and that is what mothers do) â so be respectful and non-confrontational. Can your father speak to her? Are your parents together? You may need someone to talk to her on your behalf as well, a neutral party who is not related. She may not really realize how intense she is when she is dealing with you.
At the end of the day, mothers and daughters have a very layered and sometimes difficult relationship. Keep the faith, because this too shall pass. Be respectful, get someone to intercede to speak to her for you and remain focused regarding your long-term future. I am pulling for you!
Rosie
Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or
PO Box 152, Kingstown, St Vincent & the Grenadines
Facebook
