Hey Rosie!
December 17, 2010
My boyfriend loves me, but i’m in love with my ex…

Dear Rosie,

I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago and now I have been seeing a new guy for one month now. My problem is Rosie that I miss my old boyfriend and I am thinking about going back to him. I broke up with him because he stopped making time for me and I felt like I was the only one in the relationship. He was my first everything.{{more}} However, I could never trust him, and I always thought he was cheating, and just with me for the sex. I loved him and still do, but I like my new boyfriend and don’t want to hurt him, even though I really miss my ex.

I am so confused right now. Everytime I see my ex, we still have this strong attraction, but I still don’t trust him. I am thinking maybe he’s not so serious about getting me back, because if he was he would be calling and trying to win me over again. Even though I never trusted him, Rosie I always felt good being with him. My new relationship is going good so far and this guy loves me, but I can’t love him back 100% since I still love my ex. I keep thinking maybe I am going to hurt him because I feel like going back to my ex. So should I just call it off now? But leaving him would hurt him and cheating on him would hurt him more. I don’t know what to do, Rosie,

Please help me.

Dear Please Help Me,

I think you didn’t give yourself enough time to grieve at the end of your last relationship before jumping into another one. Your first love is something very monumental in your life, no matter if it were a good or bad experience. So the fact that you feel confused, torn and also hurt by your last boyfriend isn’t surprising at all.

You want to know if you should stay with your current boyfriend even though your mind keeps drifting to your ex? My answer is that I think you maybe should take some time to be by yourself and re-evaluate all that has happened to you in the last couple of months. First take a look at your relationship with your ex. This relationship, even though there was a definite attraction, there was also an overwhelming feeling of mis-trust and being used. If you really think about this, don’t the unhappy feelings and uncertainty of where you stand outweigh the fleeting good times? I would think so. Then you fell into another relationship with another guy, even though he’s nice, you can’t shake your ex and you feel guilty for not being able to commit all the way with him. Again it comes down with you not giving yourself enough time to heal.

The bottom line is I think you should be alone for a while to figure out what and where you are going in life. You really do not need a guy in your life 24/7 in order to be whole. Deal with all of the baggage from your past before you start a new journey moving forward. Who knows, you may quickly realize that your taste has changed and you do deserve the very best. Also it isn’t fair to the new guy. He deserves someone who is there for him and not pre-occupied with their ex. So slow down and think about your next moves. Good Luck!


Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152,

Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.