Hey Rosie!
December 11, 2009
Just a hot mess…

Hey Rosie,

I’ve got a huge problem. I believe I have an obsession with getting pregnant, but I am only 14 and not sexualy active. I continiously see young teenage mothers or teen mothers to be, and I wish I were in their shoes. I know that going down that road would really mess up my life, but I can’t put aside the fact that I want a baby. I always imagine myself with one as well. One of my friend’s cousins is having a baby and I can’t help but be jealous of her.{{more}} I try to put my jealousy aside because it’s really getting to me. It has even started to have an impact on my concentration in class. I am always being told that I have a lot of potential and that I will be very successful, which puts lot of pressure on me because I am torn in between two decisions: FAILURE or SUCCESS? Please help me to choose the right path.

I need answers

Dear I Need Answers,

I must admit that this is a very touchy topic, but something that is a daily reality for many young ladies such as yourself. First off, I am happy to hear that you know that this thought process is not a healthy one. It would only lead to a lot of heartache and unwanted compromises after that.

Now we must ask ourselves why is this scenario about having a baby at this time so appealing to you? Do you find that pregnant girls get more attention? Do you think that perhaps it sets them apart form their peers? Or is it that you find babies in general to be so cute and cuddly that you can’t help fantasizing about giving birth? All of these fantasies are far, far from the truth. Getting pregnant, carrying a baby, having and raising that child is so much more difficult than you can ever realize.

Do you know that even for women who are in a stable relationships this can be such an overwhelming experience that they need the support of their spouses or partners? Much less to a single teenager who has no job, not much education, in addition to having the stress of dealing with the disappointment from her parents? Let’s not forget that a teenager’s body is not fully developed to carry a child, nor is a teenager mentally capable of providing emotional support to her little ones. Forgive me, but this is just a “Hot Mess” all around and you already know it.

Continue to say to yourself, “I don’t need this drama”. Keep saying it over and over again. Do not be jealous of your friend’s cousin, she may be silently wishing she wasn’t in this situation either. Support her, because everyone needs someone in their corner, but please do not envy her. Then let’s start re-directing your attention to your school work. This letter lets me know that you are indeed a very smart young lady. One who was able to do some self-analyzing work on your own. Maybe you should think about becoming a Counselor or Therapist when you further your education. I think you will be able to reach out to many other young women in similar situations. However, at this time, you must put an end to this obsession. It is not good for you or your future. I wish you every success with your education, and great choices going forward.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.