Best ways to deal with jealousy – Part 2
Dr Jozelle Miller
July 28, 2020

Best ways to deal with jealousy – Part 2

The following are more tips to help you deal with jealousy (continued from last week):

4. Seek our own sense of security – The best thing we can do is focus on feeling strong and secure in ourselves. We have to do the work to conquer our inner critic and believe that we are okay, even on our own. We don’t need one specific person’s love to believe we’re loveable. Human beings are full of flaws and limitations, and no one can give us what we need 100 percent of the time. It is therefore important to practice self-compassion and learn to stand up to our own inner critic. This doesn’t mean shutting people out or shutting ourselves off from what we want. It actually means embracing our lives wholeheartedly, while believing that we’re strong enough to fail or lose. No matter what, we can handle the emotions that arise.

5. Stay competitive – A lot of people frown upon the idea of competing, but what we’re talking about here isn’t a goal of being the best, but a personal goal of being at our best. That means feeling like ourselves and embracing the qualities that will serve us in pursuing what we want. Rather than letting jealousy turn us into monsters, we can allow ourselves to feel inspired, to connect with who we want to be and take actions that bring us closer to that. If we want the respect of those around us, we have to be mindful and considerate in our interactions. In the case of a romantic relationship, if you want to feel the consistent love of your partner, you must commit to engaging in loving acts each and every day. If you maintain a desire to act with integrity and go after our goals, you win the most important battle you will face, which is the struggle to realize and become your true selves -separate from anyone else.

6. Talk about it – When something like jealousy is taking over, it’s important to find the right person to talk to and a healthy way to express what we feel. The people who support a positive side of us and who help stop us from ruminating or sinking deeper into our sorrows are the kind of friends we want to talk to about our jealousy. We all have friends who get a little too worked up when we bring up certain subjects, and these may not be the best friends to seek out when we ourselves are feeling triggered and riled up. We should try to find people who will support us staying on track and being the kind of individuals we want to be. Venting to these friends is fine as long as it’s a matter of letting out our irrational thoughts and feelings, while acknowledging that they’re exaggerated and irrational. This process works only when it relieves us of the feeling and allows us to move on and take reasonable actions. If we’re suffering with feelings of jealousy, it’s also very wise to seek the help of a therapist. This can help us make sense of our feelings and get a handle on them, while acting in healthier, adaptive ways.

Always remember that in a relationship or a friendship, it’s important to maintain open, honest communication. If we hope to have their trust and for them to have ours, we have to listen to what they say without becoming defensive or rushing to judgment; this line of communication is not about unloading our insecurities, but instead, allowing ourselves to be kind and connected, even when we feel insecure or jealous. This naturally helps others to do the same.