Dr Jozelle Miller
March 8, 2016
Know your worth as a woman… Don’t settle!!!

Self-worth is based on the value you place on yourself and what you think about yourself. The value you place on yourself and what you think about yourself determines whether or not you know your full worth. What value do you place on yourself? What do you think about yourself? The way you answer these questions determines whether or not you know how much you’re worth.{{more}}

The Journey to True Worth Starts Within

Getting to the place of knowing your true worth is one of life’s journeys; it is a gradual process that only happens with awareness and conscious change… Settling for less than you deserve, chasing love that isn’t yours, being afraid to speak authentically and being overly concerned with your partner’s or other insignificant person’s thoughts of you are signs of not knowing your worth.

As a young girl, I learned early what it was to appreciate my worth. I had the luxury of loving, grounded parents, who pointed out my strengths and weaknesses and allowed me to grow and be the best I could be. But it was not the same for many of my friends. For a few, they didn’t have the strong family support which would have laid a formidable foundation. There were those who stayed too long in the wrong relationships and stayed in casual relationships when they really wanted a committed relationship. In the quest for love, some made a man their priority when they were just a mere option to him. For some, they learnt to swallow their voices when they should have spoken up, remaining in a volatile and abusive situation.

And then there is the biggest misconception …the thought that as women we were more worthy if we were or are in a relationship. Many of us are quite successful in every other part of our lives, but romance; and instead of developing an appreciation for all the many successes and achievements we may have garnered in our lives, we spend more time, succumbing to the pressures of societal and family expectations, which says that you must be in a relationship or be married to achieve “True Happiness.” So, by adulthood, the pressure and quest is on to find that suited life partner, in an effort to assume some feeling of completion.

Answering these questions shows what and how you think, and feel and value about yourself. Do you:

1. Settle for less than you deserve?

2. Chase love that isn’t yours?

3. Make someone your priority, while you’re their option?

4. Care more about what others think of you than you think about yourself?

5. Spend time with people who can’t commit or are already in a relationship?

6. Think that “I’m not enough.”

7. Put your life on hold because you’re waiting to see what the other person will do?

8. Go along with your partner’s whims instead of expressing what you’d like?

9. Seek love, appreciation and approval from your partner, instead of finding them within?

10. Rationalize your partner’s bad behaviour, even though it hurts you?

11. Manipulate or control your partner?

12. Let your partner’s words and actions determine your mood?

If “yes” or “sometimes” are your answers to any of the questions above, other people and external circumstances are determining your worth. Here’s the good news. Knowing where you stand is empowering.

In my next article, we will discuss how you can begin to improve your own worth.

Dr Miller is Health Psychologist at the Milton Cato Memorial Hospital.