Dear Pastor
March 10, 2006
I Can’t Move on With Him Around Me!

Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column and I do enjoy the advice that you give. Pastor, I have a problem that I am dealing with and do need your advice. {{more}}

Pastor, I was in this relationship for a couple of years. The truth is the relationship really wasn’t all that. The guy had a family and I was just someone on the side.

I know it was wrong but I guess I convinced myself that he loved me and couldn’t do any better. But now, I know that no matter how I look at it, the relationship was wrong and I got out of it because I wanted to make a change in my life.

The problem is the guy still wants to be around me and every time I run him he accuses me of being ungrateful.

Pastor, it is not that I have forgotten that he took care of me while we were together but I just feel it is time to move on.

I really do not think I can really move on if I continue to hang around him. Some of my friends have accused me of being ungrateful too and it is like they do not understand my situation. I am even thinking about starting to go to church and so on. How can I deal with this without hurting his feelings?

Need help.

Hi, need help,

I can’t help you with the key question you asked, sorry about that, because I cannot tell you how to deal with that situation without hurting his feelings!

What I can guide you on is how to deal with the situation in a manner that will help you set up your future.

As for your “ex-lover”, he is a big boy, he will get over it. I guess he should be writing this column to find out what needs to be mended in his relationship and move on from this “relationship” that he had with you, which might have left irreparable scars on his family.

As for you, my friend, live! Your friends and family who are encouraging you to keep holding on to this past “which you should not just let go but be ashamed of” are misguided and carnal in their counsel.

You are on the right part, cut the ties, repent and move on. You are not ungrateful, far from it. Whatever was done or given to you while in that relationship was already cancelled out…I want to believe you did things for him in that relationship, right?

So now that it is over, it is over and you are not required or obligated to soothe his ego or heart or seek to pacify the pain; he is NOT your husband!!

How you might have lived may have been wrong, you may have made some bad mistakes in judgment but now you have a chance, a chance to change, have a fresh start and please God, take it, run with it…God Bless you!!