Dear Pastor
February 17, 2006
Is he interested in me?

Dear Pastor,

I am a weekly reader of your column and must commend you on a job well done. I have a situation/problem and I am in need of your advice. I am in my last year of high school. There is this boy in my class and I’m head over heels in love with him. The problem is I don’t know if he is interested in me. He is one of those boys a girl dreams of, he’s smart, funny, honest, responsible and anything else you can think of.{{more}}

Recently I gave him a card stating that I’m very interested in him. I didn’t say it verbally because I was too shy and nervous. A very long time has passed and he hasn’t told me anything and we never talked about it.

I want to but the nervousness always gets the better of me. What I fear most of all is him telling me that he is not interested. Gosh, I have had a crush on him since the third form. I have a lot of competition but these girls are just trying to play him. They sit on his lap, kiss him, some even offer themselves to him but he refuses.

A part of me believes there is a possibility of him being interested in me but still I’m not definitely sure. Sometimes while in class he would pinch me, say something funny or do something to distract me. We are always sitting close together and others are always commenting that we look good together. When that happens he will laugh or say something funny to change the subject.

Even out of school it is the same, he even held my hands once and at times I catch him staring and when I look at him he looks away.

What should I do? Do I ask him once and for all? Should it be face to face or over the telephone? I know exams are just around the corner and this shouldn’t be on my “need to do” list but I just know we would be perfect for each other. I am an “A” student and so is he and we like the same things. I want to ask him to take me to the movies, what do you think? I need your advice.

Head over Heels

Dear, Head over Heels,

I would be lying if I didn’t admit that reading your letter made me laugh, shake my head and get scared all in one. For those who are wondering why I got scared, well I have two daughters….I think you get the point!!

Anyhow to your letter, the emotional stir that you are going through is natural and part of the growing process but it is how you manage these emotions that will determine success or failure in your personal life.

You are right, exams are right around the corner so this “all revealing” conversation is really out of place right now. Even though you are an “A” student I don’t think you want the disappointment of a rejected advance or the whirlwind surge of emotions associated with a “budding relationship” to cloud your mind at this very important stage of educational journey …..So the first advice is to CHILL OUT!!! Concentrate on transporting those “As” into the CXC examination room and set a perfect launching pad for your future.

As for this “perfect young man” you can very well be right, if what you are saying is true. Then again you could be reading more into his jokes, pinches and looks because of your own desires but I will give you the benefit of the doubt.

If the young man is sending all these signals but not confessing any interest he could either be playing, a bit shy or not ready for such declarations. Here is a suggestion you may not like to hear, why not just go with the flow. By that I mean, enjoy the friendship (with no strings attached), get to know him more and let a relationship develop naturally if so be the case later down the road.

I know the pressure that is usually on young people to “have a boyfriend” etc, but from what you described you have a good friendship which is pure and not saddled with the unnecessary drama of youthful relationships, I think you should enjoy it.

By the way, do you have a good relationship with your parents, one where you can discuss these matters of the heart? I know the thought of discussing these things with some parents sends chills through youths’ hearts but I hope you can share how you feel with your parents or at least your mom so that she could guide you in these choppy waters.

Don’t make the common mistake of young people of hiding and seeking, only turning to their parents when all hell breaks loose, ok? Be wiser than that!

Pastor Jackson