Dear Pastor
August 12, 2005
Christian woman in love with a ‘brother’

Dear Pastor,

What do you think a Christian woman should do if she has developed feelings for a single brother, and she has tried all her best to get rid of the feelings but its not going away?

She is afraid of speaking directly to the person, because she is wondering if a Christian woman should really approach a man. But then again, that’s the only way to get it out in the open. {{more}}

This Christian woman has sought God through fasting and prayer and asked Him to help her do away with these feelings… blah blah blah. What should she do? This woman gets depressed at times, especially seeing the brother, and she just plain wishes she never had those feelings in the first place. She is not a ‘flighty’ person, but what can be done?

I think she is afraid of rejection, that maybe, he might not like her. Oh, and he does have a lot of admirers.

She is convinced that everyone is praying that he would be their husband, standing on the same word of God, and maybe he is confused.

This woman has tried to FORGET, but she and the brother are sorta friends, not too close.

Please let me know so that I can help with the advice.

A Friend

Hello Friend,

That sister is putting herself through unnecessary hell. And what is this talk about being “a Christian woman”? She is a woman and romantic feelings don’t hop over “Christian women”.

I think it is so important for her to start by saying: “I am alive, thank you Jesus.” I know it sounds like a joke but I am dead serious, she has feelings and there is nothing unspiritual or non-Christian about that. It is what she does that will defile her.

If she is lusting and taking the brother through her fantasies in her mind then she needs to repent.

If she is getting desperate and behaving as though without the man she cannot live, then that’s an insult to the keeping grace of God. But if she simply wants to know him then all she has to do is talk to him.

I understand the concern that women have about approaching a man because I am one who believes a man should step up to the plate. But she may be right, the brother may not be interested in her, hence his silence, so in my mind she has nothing to lose really by maturely approaching the subject.

I gather that there is a friendship on some level and if she is not immature as you indicate then I guess we don’t have to fear her giggling all over herself, tripping on her face blushing and so on.

Worse case scenario, he says he is not interested, then she moves on and if it gets out that she approached the subject, she is a big woman and don’t have time to waste, she likes him and wants to know if he feels the same way. Honestly for an adult, settled young woman I see nothing wrong with that, unless this is her line to every pair of Christian male pants that passes by….then she has a problem and is not ready for a relationship.

So if it is you…don’t put your self through that drama, after all the prayer and fasting, thinking and so on… step up and get it over with. I can’t see the Lord wanting you to live in this box of fear and anxiety, so either you wait in peace for the young man to make such an advance or get it out of the way once and for all.

But then again it isn’t you, it’s a friend, right????????? You are just asking on her behalf? Ok!