Dear Pastor
August 5, 2005
My boyfriend’s ‘ex’ getting in the way

Dear Pastor,

Thank you for all the good advice you usually give every week. I like the way that you are plain and straight forward.

I have a situation that my boyfriend and I are dealing with and I will like to know if you think I’m overreacting.{{more}}

My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and things have been going ok until recently. You see, before he and I got together he had this girlfriend for about three years. The two of them broke up way before he and I ever started talking so I had nothing to do with that.

All I know from what he and other people told me is that she did some things to hurt him and then went away. They had not spoken for a long while and recently she got in contact with him and apologized and things like that and they decided to be friends.

Pastor, at first I thought their friendship was cool but now I am not so sure. Pastor, every time I turn they on the phone together, laughing and carrying on. I told him about it and he feels I am overreacting. He accused me of being jealous.

I don’t know pastor, I have no reason to doubt his faithfulness and he never hides to speak to her or anything like that but I am still uncomfortable with their friendship.

Am I just being a jealous girlfriend? Please tell me what you think.


Hello miss Upset,

Yes you are behaving like a jealous girlfriend and that is because you are a jealous girlfriend! But hey, I don’t think that is unnatural in fact it is very natural indeed to feel like that.

An ex- (boyfriend/girlfriend) is someone who has entered the “house of love” where you now dwell. That person has shared things with the person you are with that you very well wished no one had ever shared before.

So any time a person is confronted with an “ex” there is always some measure of insecurity, suspicion and some times downright anger that pops up, especially if the “ex” is acting disrespectfully.

In your case though, you might not have reason to blow your top but you are well in place to keep your guard up.

Often those relationships that end on sour notes and resume as friendships sometimes bring into bear the “what if we had” questions in their dealings. Be careful though not to unwarrantedly frustrate your boyfriend when you are not seeing reasons to question his loyalty. For all we know it may just be a relief to these two persons that they could finally move on with their lives without this ball of anger and disappointment hanging over their heads.

But then again, it could be different. So keep your eyes open, watch out for secret conversations and any thing else that gets your female intuition bulb flashing but don’t be quick to jump to conclusions ok?

And as for telling him how you feel, you are in order, you should not have to bottle up your feelings with the person you are in a relationship with, share your heart with him, and it is your right!

Pastor Jackson