Dear Pastor
June 10, 2005
Live-in boyfriend sleeping around

Dear Pastor Jackson,

Greetings to you. I am so thankful for the advice you usually give to us. Pastor I have this wonderful friend whom I have known for a very long time. She is a loving, caring, faithful and committed person. I am so worried about her. {{more}}

Pastor she is with this young man who is living in her house. The problem is that he is not seeing her alone; he is running around a lot. He is not a stable man and is seeing a lot of foreign and local women.

My friend is not that type of woman, but her boyfriend is not faithful to her. I think he needs help because no good young man would be running around like that. I am afraid because AIDS is rampant in the place.

Need your help

Hello to you,

Thank you for seeing it fit to write to me for advice concerning your friend’s situation. I hope that you are not speculating about the behavior of your friend’s boyfriend and do have concrete reasons, which lead you to such an outright judgment. And, if you do have such convincing evidence, then I hope you have shown the guts to confront your friend about it.

I know you may say what everyone usually says, “I don’t want to meddle” or “I don’t want my friend to be mad at me”. However, I think it would be worse if she does contract HIV or finds out down the road and realize that her good friend knew about her boyfriend’s behavior all along.

Many times we avoid confrontation when it may be very necessary. In fact, you may need to confront the boyfriend first and foremost. Let him know that you know of his behaviour and implore him to change his conduct for your friend’s sake. You might be surprised to see that a chat from you may bring some change. Or it could blow up in your face but so what…. Your friend is worth the drama… right?

You see, your friend, being an adult, is responsible for her actions and the risk that comes with them. But if you are a friend worth your salt, then you would do whatever you need to do to help her see the truth, even at the risk of her shutting you out, as she may be in a state of denial.

But when all hell breaks lose, she will be able to cry on your shoulders knowing that you cared enough to risk your friendship’s comfort level to save her.