Dear Pastor
September 3, 2004
Take pride in your life and stop this limbo

Dear Pastor,

I am in need of some advice.
I have been in a relationship with a guy for more than two years and we just broke it off due to some things that I have said and done. However, even though we are not together any more, it seems as if things have not really changed.{{more}} We are still going out together, calling each other, having sex, and keeping each other’s company in each other’s homes.
When we broke up we wanted to stay friends, and even though we spoke about the problems we had (and I am truly sorry for what I myself have done), he claims that he has forgiven me. But there is never a time when we talk that he does not remind me of the things I have done. It hurts me to know that I have hurt him, and that there is nothing I can do to change what I have done, much less to show him that I am truly sorry.
The problem is, I love him and he loves me, but my wrongdoings are hurting us both. If we are to be friends now, then I do not understand why are we doing the things we were doing in the past, and why does he keep reminding me of my wrongs? Should I stay his friend, or should I move on because I cannot stand hearing the past and it does not feel right doing the same things as we used to, knowing that we are no longer together. Yet I don’t want to lose him. If only he can believe me, and know how sorry I am, as well as accept my promise that I will try never to let any of them happen again.
Why are things going this way?
What To Do?


Hello Worried,

The first thing you need to do is stop allowing yourself to be used. What you have explained is a situation where your boyfriend does not want to move on from what happened, or to officially call you his girlfriend anymore, but he still wants the privileges that he had before. (Be reminded that being sexually active outside of the covenant of marriage is ungodly.)
My dear, in addressing your situation I think your options are limited and they have a lot to do with your ex-boyfriend. He has to decide whether or not he is going to forgive you for whatever you have done and move on with your relationship. Obviously the road to building back trust in your relationship is potentially going to be tough and will take a lot of hard work. But if you “love each other” then this road is one that you guys can certainly travel.
However, if in his mind the relationship is over, and it is his prerogative to so decide, then stop this “friend thing”, examine your life, learn from the mistakes made and move on. Sometime in the future you guys should be able to be cordial friends but as for now there is too much drama. What I do know is that things cannot continue as is … the going out, spending time and sexual activities sum up to madness on your part. Move on, one way or the other, but you must take pride in your life and stop this limbo.

Pastor Jackson