Dear Pastor
August 27, 2004
Church thinks boyfriend and I are having sex

Dear Pastor,

I have a situation that I am facing which is getting me real upset, and before I say something or do something I will regret, I want to get your opinion.
I have been a Christian for a long time now, and I’m very active in my church. {{more}}
My boyfriend and I have also been together for a few years and are planning to get married very soon. The problem is that people from church say that my boyfriend and I are having sex. Pastor, I wouldn’t lie and say that it has never happened, but that was over two years ago.
We have been living pure, but we are getting fed up. If we’re out liming and someone sees us holding hands, that is a big issue. The truth is, if I did not love God, I would just tell them a piece of my mind and just live my life.
You see, the thing that gets me vexed is that it isn’t only ordinary people saying those things, but even leaders. I am really fed up. My boyfriend says that we should just ignore them, but I can’t. They are driving me up a wall.

Fed Up

Dear Fed Up,

Before you lose it let us deal with you and your boyfriend. I know that being the talking point of a church can never be nice and can be upsetting, but there are some things you must consider.
Because of the experiences of sexual immorality that occur often enough in the church, people are generally suspicious of youths in relationships because when the truth comes out, many of them have been sexually active before their marriages. And so, eyes are usually peeled, and sadly people expect moral failure. However, if in their minds you made it through and get married, these same people applaud you and encourage others to take example from you. Ironic? I know!
Then there is the matter of wisdom. We must not just be “upright” but we must also appear to be upright. Consider this: you may not be sexually active with your boyfriend, but if as a Christian you and your boyfriend are always locked up in your bedroom, or closed up in secluded places, you leave room for people’s curiosity and doubt. Likewise, if you are always “all over each other” then people wonder what happens behind closed doors, and as usual our minds think the negative first and leave room for the positive when it should really be the other way around.
So you guys need to ask yourselves if your behaviour is contributing to the suspicion. Are you being “above moral board” with your conduct? If you are not, change – things like how late you are at each other’s homes, how much affection you show each other and so on. And besides, people, you too must know that if you committed fornication in the past, more than likely you were too close, which led to such behaviour, and so, you must be careful not to be deceived into this behaviour again.
However, if you check these things and are comfortable with your behaviour and overall decorum as Christians, then ignore people and live. God will vindicate you in time and the same people who speak about you will turn around and praise you. It is sad, though, that leaders did not see fit to talk to you guys as elders (did they?) rather than join the gossip train. It’s really sad.

Pastor Jackson