Dear Pastor
June 18, 2004
Wife and I arguing all the time

Dear Pastor Jackson,

My wife and I have been married for a couple of years.
Pastor, we have been through a lot in our courting years but we made it to this point. Over the last six months, though, things have changed. We seem to be arguing over everything and it is like we cannot agree on anything. {{more}}To make things worse, she does not want to make love the way we are accustomed to. I am getting worried because even when we went through bad times, that was an area that was always ok.
A couple weeks ago we had an argument and I said something that I really regret. I told her that I am sorry I married her and it was the worse thing I ever did. I know I hurt her but I felt so frustrated and just lashed out. She said that we need counselling, but I do not trust people much, but I decided to write to you because at least I will be anonymous and my wife agrees.
So what do you think we should do?



You and your wife are already on the right road, realizing the need for help. None of us are islands unto ourselves and in your case, where you seem to be having some heated arguments, a cool, impartial head in the midst could be what you guys need. I understand your problem with trust, but there are very capable counsellors who are available that can help you. I can’t pick up a clue based on your letter as to what the source of your problem could be, but lashing out in temper tantrums and curtailing your love life are sure ways to sow permanent seeds of destruction. Two very important things, among others in marriage, are communication (proper) and sex (healthy, fulfilling).
So, if you two have been together so long and have faced many trials and made it through, it should rightfully give you a sense of optimism; however, do not be over confident.
Your wife is right – you need counselling; just writing this letter to me is not good enough. Your relationship must be examined to see what possible seeds of discord or destruction might have been sown, even inadvertently, into your lives. Remember, because of the honour of marriage, the very institution is under severe, constant attack. But you guys will make it; you cannot come this far through many storms and then quit. That will be almost unpardonable.
So go get help and rebuild or strengthen your marriage’s foundation.

Pastor Jackson