Dear Pastor
May 21, 2004
Uncomfortable because of kiss

Hi Pastor Jackson,

I always read your articles, thank you for giving such good advice to so many people.
I am hoping that you will be able to advise me on a situation that I have.
A few weeks ago I kissed a good friend of mine. We always used to joke about being attracted to each other, but seeing that we were both in relationships and he was married nothing came out of it. {{more}}
That day though I do not understand what happened but we just gave in to feelings.
We were alone at my place and just started kissing and making out. After about five minutes we stopped, I couldn’t go through with it. I wanted to but I could not. We have since talked and decided that it will never happen again, but the problem is that he wants things to be normal. But I feel uncomfortable around him, and it is like he does not understand how I am feeling.
If I keep hanging around him I will give in. When I told him that, he is still saying that we are friends and we could deal with it, and nothing has to change, but I am not sure. What should I do?
Need help

Your friend is right on one point, you guys can deal with that situation and avoid it ever happening again if you want… But it is going to take a serious commitment and strength on the part of both of you to do so. Therefore what you are doing is the BEST THING FOR NOW in my humble opinion.
It is sad that you guys allowed yourselves to be coaxed into that trap by sowing the seeds of lust by your jokes and conversations. When you guys continually spoke about “your feelings”, even though you reminded yourselves of the “impossibilities” of acting on them, you planted and watered seeds of desire.
Those seeds only waited for an opportune time to bring forth fruit. So now these plants have to be starved unless in the right time, right place and right atmosphere you find yourself in trouble, doing what you know to be morally wrong.
I commend you and your friend for stopping before it got worse (what you did was already bad though) but do not fool yourself by becoming complacent.
Before that first kiss you guys spoke out of curiosity and desire, but now you have knowledge – a dangerous combination. So some breathing space and wisdom, in where and when you are together, is definitely needed now. But in time and with discipline I believe your friendship could have what it takes to survive this error and not mess up your friend’s family and your friendship… May the Lord help you get through this.

Keep me posted.