Bassy - Love Vine
February 1, 2013
Can we ve more vincy please

Ah asked my See-Reann friend what he thought ‘bout de budget, actually he is Labour-knees and Lie-Za warn me not to mix dem up, Labour-knees don’t take kindly to being called See-Reann and Vie-see Ver-saw. Dey strange eh, look ah-like, talk ah-like, real smart ah-like but dey insist, dey nah-like dem! Ah believe it got to do wid how See-Rean President Ass-hard done murder 60,000 of his own See-Reann people. Power nah only corrupts but destructs absolutely!{{more}} Interestingly though, my See-Reann friend’s English not so good, but nothing wrong wid his thinklish, he said to me:

“My flen, dah bus-shit was klayzee! Ply-mill-is-star, he talk foh four hours; U-star, he talk foh four hours, all dem others talk- talk- talk foh whole week, ah set ah foolish talk, up to now null ah dem talk bout de e-collar-me.”

He explained dat he saw ah “plitty lady” (Cleo Jones-Huggins) on de TV, she was saying dat last year alone, SVG import bill was seven hundred million dollars more dan de one hundred million dollars we export.

“Look around dis country,” he said, “water running everywhere, elley-ting yuh plant will glow here, trees even glowing in de walls ah de Par-liar-mint building, what more do you want?”

He invited me to check de Supermarket shelves. Is all kind ah biscuits, lickle ones, big ones, sweet ones, salt ones, but yuh notice ? Not one pack is produced here! Is corn oil, soy bean, even garlic oil, but dey fix coconut oil once and foh all, can’t come back. Mr. Gone-self he did promise sugar factory from Cuba, way dat dey eh my flen? Vin-sin-shun people eat hundreds ah thousand ah dollars ah frozen chicken, ninety percent is imported.

De million dollars fishing complexes and dem too complex to function, God bless our struggling Fisher-folks, we can still get ah supply ah fresh fish, from ah Tri Tri to ah whale. Look way Cod-fish reach, $15.00 ah pound! Is not de salt in de Cod fish raising de people pressure, is de price too, and de bad palaticks.”

Ah wanted to beg him to stop, dat ah get de message but he was talking truth, so ah nod approvingly. “Way so hard foh all yuh to resist de tempt-hear-shun ah de dry cod-fish, wet cod-fish, frozen cod-fish, smoke herring, mackerel all imported, when last yuh see local corn-fish? Tuna in tin, herring in tin, mackerel in tin, sardines in tin, sum-times I sware de putting Sh—-t in dem tin. But SVG still eating … all yuh can produce ah tin.”

Ah told him Saw-fire London doing fillet bawl-ah-who fish. “Well kudos foh she” he said, “but all yuh could forget bout local Our-root and Farine, de lickle we produce too expensive; cheaper to buy imported cereal.”

Ah told him dat long ago we uses to have local grind corn and Our-root foh de poor; Quaker Oats and Cream-ah-wheat was foh de rich only, now is all kind ah bran ah cereal pon de shelf. “And like dey run out ah names,” he said: “Kill-hog, dey Bran yuh wid wheat, fruit’n’ loop, imported corn meal, dat is foolish tinking. Yes ah was hearing all yuh uses to have ah good grind corn from de Keys (Bequia, Can-one, My-row and Union) ah wondah what dey giving de Tourises.”

Ah let him catch his breath foh ah while, den wid all seriousness, ah told him to stop sell clothes and come run de country. Like he was flattered, so he continued: “ Let me finish first” he said, “so much local fresh fruits spoiling under de trees, mango guava, paw paw yuh name it Sin-vin-sin have it, but de imported apples, grapes, apricots, peaches come from far-rain, pretty looking and pretty money too. Down to simple tie-lit paper, de far-rain bran pushing de local bran off de shelves.” Ah told him how de names does mek me laugh, and my girl Lie-Za’s fear-foh-it tie-lit paper is “Blossom” she hopes dat one day dat “Blossom” will pollinate and produce lickle rolls ah baby toilet Paper.

He was by now exhausted, and like ah real businessman he said: “My flen, yuh care foh ah d’link ah coffee or tea?” Eh hey, ah got him cornered wid double standard. Ah asked him how come he plugging so hard foh Vincy local produce and now offering me far-rain coffee or tea. Mischief bubbling all over his face, he said” “Me offer yuh coffee or tea, because yuh are Vin-sin-shun, all yuh luv only far-rain ting, all yuh nah drunk local mint, ginger or shock-lit!”

Yes! My See-Reann flen is sooo right, we luv far-rain so much dat ah wonder sometimes, if we even luv we-self; look how one lickle Vin-sin-shun smarty or spitey, wid ah pen -“mightier dan de sword”–got Building and Loan, we own home grown, In-dey-itching-us Bank scrambling. And de boss talking bout “Learn-aid helplessness?”

But Building and Loan and I born de same year, and neither of us ready to go yet. Ah staff member pinched Lie-Za and told her dey got millions dat ain’t touch. We must change dat Aunty-Vincy attitude and put SVG above everyting else. “Long Live Building and Loan! Long Live SVG!”

And wid dat is gone ah gone again.

One Love Bassy.

Bassy Alexander is a land surveyor, folklorist and social commentator.