I am so unhappy, I want to die!

Dear Rosie,

I must compliment you on a very wonderful job you are doing. I am a 16-year-old girl who is about to set CXC in May. Rosie, I am very suicidal, and recently that rate is growing without stop. I adapt to people’s pain and I am not happy. I even fake smiles around my family and friends. I cannot even cry any more, and I have this pain in my chest, and it hurts so badly.{{more}}

Rosie, nobody understands me, and most times I will just sit by myself and think, and the reason why I didn’t do it yet is because of my mother. I really don’t want her to suffer because she has suffered too much in life. Anything that I do, see, hear feels like only pain. The truth is I don’t even know why I am living any more. Life is useless, and there is no point of living. Why is God letting me suffer like this? Sometimes my body grows weak and suddenly becomes dead, and then the only thing I can do is sleep, because I cannot speak or eat or think. Rosie, this kind of feeling only makes me wanna die.

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated,

This is a very alarming letter, and I want you to hear me when I say YOU ARE WORTH IT ALL! God makes no mistakes, my friend, and I want you to know that this challenge and spirit of depression that you are going through is a test to see what you are made of, and you are made of some great stuff! I know how it feels to be alone – even in a room of crowded people. How it is to smile and pretend that all is well. But I understand your pain oh so well, and I am telling you that you CAN survive this, and I am lifting you up at the same time so you may gather the strength to see you are not alone.

At this tender and confusing age of 16, I can only imagine the many challenges that you are going through. In addition, you have the stress of writing your CXCs. Talk about a lot of pressure! But you will have to quickly come to terms with the fact that you HAVE to reach out for some help here. I am willing to personally find you a mentor who you can speak with on a personal level, someone who can guide you and maybe help find you a place to get some counseling. What about your church? Do you belong to any groups that you trust there? I’m very serious, though, about letting me know if you would like to find you a confidential mentor.

I think it is wonderful that you have also thought of your mother during this very difficult time. This lets me know that she must be an incredible lady. God has given you a great gift in a wonderful mother. Believe me, as a mother myself, we only want to know that you are happy, safe and healthy. So maybe you can share some of the simpler things that bother you with your Mom? You may be surprised that this can help you build a stronger foundation and relationship with your mother. Baby steps, I say. The bottom line is that you are not alone and you can survive and thrive. Just have faith and believe. Much love and best wishes.

Rosie