You are a survivor

Hey Rosie,

I write to you about my stressful condition. Let me call myself Ayanka. Let me refer to my father as Roy. I live on the North Leeward side of the island. I wrongly got myself in a relationship with a guy, much to my father’s displeasure. I got put out of home and am living in another village.{{more}}

However wrong I may be, I think my father did not deal with me properly. He abused me: cursed me, hit me, almost broke my hand on one occasion; was very abusive and insulting, I can tell you. My father must remember he helped to bring me in this world, and this is the treatment I get from him. What makes it worse is that he is a teacher, who should be a role model for others.

My life is truly stressful. It’s ok where I live now, with my grandma. No abuse. But how good it is to be part of your immediate family! I had suicidal thoughts before. I don’t wish to entertain such thoughts anymore. Rosie, please, what should I do?

Looking forward to your favourable response in the newspaper. Thanking you.

Respectfully yours,

Ayanka

Dear Ayanka,

I am so very sorry to hear about your broken and stressful relationship with your father. From your vantage point, I can definitely understand your hurt, pain and confusion, because at the end of the day he is your father and you love him.

First, let me say that abuse of any kind is not right. Abuse can be verbal or physical. However, the imprint of this negative experience may always stay with you. The trick to surviving abuse is where do you go from here.

I am happy to hear that you are now in a safer environment with your Grandmother. I also am commending you for trying to work through this matter in a rather mature manner as well. Suicide, as you mention, is NEVER the answer. There is always hope. We go through various experiences in life and how we deal with them determines if we are survivors or not. You, Ayanka, are a survivor.

Let’s not mull over all of the negative things that your father may have done to you in the past. The past is the past. He, believe me, has to live with his own actions everyday. I can’t imagine that it is a smooth ride for him either. Deep down inside he knows he has his own problems. He, however, has to deal with his own situation or at least seek help in order to change.

Back to you. As an intelligent young woman, you will have to gather the tools to move forward effectively. Either by self-help books, talking to someone that you respect, daily and positive affirmations, and if you are religious, long and deep conversations with God. Above all of that, in your quest to heal yourself, one day you will have to come to terms with forgiving your father. Difficult, believe me I know, but VERY necessary. If you do not, then you will not be able to move out of the victim role and into the role of conqueror. You can one day take your experiences and help another person going through a similar situation step back into a normal and productive life. I know that you can. I sense this from your letter.

Continue to seek your healing in this world. It may not always be perfect, but it is the classroom that we live and learn in. I continue to encourage you to move forward in faith and positivity. Many Blessings.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.