June 28, 2013

Dogs: If only they could talk

Continued from last week

1. I am thirsty, but goodness me, look at my water bowl. It is growing moss. Please remember that cleanliness is next to godliness.

2. I also hate to eat in dirty bowls or from the ground. Would you like to be fed out of such plates? You know I like meat, but don’t throw it on the ground for me to eat. I could get sick.{{more}}

3. I am so happy to see you every day when you get home from school or work, but please don’t ignore me; the least you can do is to give me a pat on the head. And I am not dirty; don’t scorn me.

4. Today, I am feeling sick; I can’t tell you so, but how come you don’t notice me lying in a corner looking sorry for myself? Will you wait until I am dead to get me some help?

5. When I try to lick your hand or face, I want to tell you that I am happy and to show you how much I love you. Why do you shout at me? Why slap me in the face?

6. When I was a cute puppy, you spent hours playing with me. I was so happy. Now I am grown, you scarcely look at me. Now you have me tied in an obscure part of the yard, with scarcely any shelter from the elements. What if you were to change places with me?

7. Hey, can’t you see that I am riddled with fleas and ticks? It doesn’t take much to get rid of them. If you don’t know what to do, ask my doctor for advice. Even though he took out my nuts, he still has his uses. And then you wonder why I am losing weight? I use a lot of energy scratching and these bastards suck my blood. No wonder I am so pale.

8. Whenever I hear that sound, be it a ship’s horn or a kid practising to play the flute, I have this urge to “sing along”, but it comes out wrong. They say I am howling.

9. Holy moly, is that thunder? I think it is coming to crush me, have to run… imma gonna hide now.

10. Come on, it’s only your car tire; well, the couch was a mistake. Can’t help it. Was just marking my territory.

11. I chewed up your mudguard, bit off your tail lights, severely disfigured a few of your Sunday best shoes. Well, what can I say? Puppies will be puppies. Didn’t think I was capable of mass destruction, huh? Looks like I deserve a few spanks. Just don’t overdo it…

For further information, contact: Dr Collin Boyle
Unique Animal Care Co. Ltd.
Tel: 456 4981