My girlfriend is hurting me

Hey Rosie,

Hope you’re doing so very well. I am 24 and my girlfriend is 22. First of all, I want to say that she really fought so hard to get me. She tried all she could to have me break up with my ex, until I finally fell in love with her. She was great at the beginning of everything and I liked everything.{{more}}

After a few months, though, I realized her behaviour had changed. She became so very secure! I will never win an argument; she’s the perfect one. If anything hurts me and I bring it up to her, she makes it look so trivial, makes me look small, calls me sensitive and all that. She even asks me what I wanna do at the end of it all, my final decision (after an argument)!

She likes too much attention from random guys. She puts her friends first in most cases and even texts her ex, though I am “not” allowed to contact mine at all costs! She goes ahead to talk all ill stuff about my ex, saying she was not fit for me. (I am very good looking, cute to be precise and people tell her, tell me, even her friends, so).

At times she denies me sex. She likes it, though, when we have it. She confesses her love and feelings for me whenever she is about to climax during sex, She tells me how I am the best in bed and that I should never cheat on her… and I should marry her (all these are said during orgasms). She, however, will only give it to me when she feels like, not when I want it. Well, I am gentle, loyal and calm, but regardless of how polite I talk to her about things that make me unhappy, she gets mad, even if it’s obvious truth! She likes silent treatment. She will ignore me for hours until I apologize, sometimes even for bringing up my genuine opinions on her and our relationship.

Rosie, this woman was so crazy about me at first, though, she would plead for my attention whenever I wouldn’t text her, or pick up her calls after an argument… but now, she will wait until I text her first after arguments and all that. She is in college, but I do a lot for her – I give her gifts, buy her stuff, make her feel good. At times we are so very great, only to have that great time ruined by something small. She gets all defensive whenever I ask about anything. She checks my phone. (I, by the way, am allowed to do so with hers too, but she normally clears chats she doesn’t want me to see, so I don’t dare myself).

I am serious about her and I am deeply in love with her. Our families and friends know about us, though to some guys, she likes to keep me a secret until they find out themselves; however, I must say, she has never shown me signs of unfaithfulness! She tells about how guys want her and are attracted to her beauty and she reminds me of the favour she is doing for me (because I am dating a beautiful skinny girl) every time we are making out. She doesn’t mind whether I don’t touch her or kiss her for days, though she keeps in mind the days I have gone without doing so and she will tell me, just in case I tell her that I miss her. She will say “oh, come on, that’s just a few days; it was only last Saturday when you last did it…”, and she makes me feel as if it’s only sex I want and miss!

My girlfriend, at times, won’t respond to my texts immediately (esp when her friends are around), she pretends she doesn’t mind whether I leave her or not, that she is gonna be happy either way (esp.

during arguments). And in casual conversations, she will always show that she wouldn’t plead for a guy to stay in her life, just to keep me informed, just in case I want to leave maybe (just thinking). Well, when I also ignore her texts and calls, she will fill up my inbox with texts and will fill up my call logs… I mean it’s just confusing! She tells her friends that I am a good caring guy, and that she loves me! She is okay with letting the public know about us, she is okay with posting pictures of us on Facebook, making her pics and mine DPs on WhatsApp and all that… I just don’t know what to do to get out of this confusion. I love her a lot, and this just hurts me! I don’t know how to regain control of our relationship; it’s all I want now!!!

I am planning to even give up and a few months back, I was conversing with her friend and I told her of how I almost gave up. She went and told my girlfriend and my she was so deeply hurt that she confronted me about it. I played it just like a guy and said sorry! She will ignore me in public at times, I mean this is killing me!!!

Please help. Thanks a lot.

Hello My Friend,

I want you to read the last part of what you said to me, that she’s killing you! Let me tell you with some urgency that this is NOT what love is about, or even a healthy relationship .

You are an intelligent guy – are you into these mind games? I mean, really? This is totally unacceptable and you have to decide if you want to be an equal partner in this relationship or an abused bystander? I appreciate that you are a decent and respectable guy, but you have to draw the line at how you want to be treated. Having someone micro-manage your life, ignore you, go through your phone and totally run your world is a bit insane. She has issues and that is putting it mildly. She has to also work on her as well.

Unfortunately, in my opinion, this young lady is definitely an alpha female, who is accustomed to calling the shots. It’s her way, or the highway. Is this the type of relationship you want? Remember you are 24, with no children right? Look, boss, I would sit her down and tell her how this makes you feel. If you see no change, I would personally walk away. She is not your wife. You truly deserve better than this.

Good luck, my friend !

Rosie