Dear Rosie,

I am 38 years old. I’ve been living with this guy for almost four (4) years now. Early in our relationship and living together, things were so good and were working out well. Then, early up in last year, I heard that he was having an affair with this older lady from the same village, just a couple blocks away from where we are living. She is in her late forties. I asked – they are just friends, until one night I saw him in her house. I asked – it wasn’t him. One early morning I went up the street and I stood facing the lady’s house. There I saw him coming out of the door. He asked: “What are you doing there?” I cried.”{{more}}

Rosie, I really, really, love this man, but it looks like something is wrong with this guy or probably he is just a womanizer. He even takes things from our house to carry for her. Sometimes in the morning, he will leave without breakfast and go to her home; even at lunch time too. This is what he says: “I do not eat from anybody.” When I cook, he would come and eat a small piece, just to make things look good.

Rosie, what to do in order to keep this man away from this woman? I am so confused; sometimes I do cry because I do not have anyone to relate my problems to.

Rosie,

I need your help.

Dear I need your help,

Ok, let’s talk some real talk right out the gate; you can’t keep somebody who does not want to stay. This man is showing all the signs that he is cheating and most of all he isn’t giving you the respect at all regarding your relationship.

Let me ask you a different question: why is it that you are holding on to this man like you don’t have other choices in life? Do you feel as though you aren’t strong enough to stand on your own? Or is it that you are afraid to be alone? I am being very straight with you right now, because you have to face some real facts at the moment – he isn’t good for you. When someone makes you cry, makes you chase them, cheats on you and then has you compromising your own standards – a line has to be drawn in the sand.

On the other hand, you can talk to him, see if he wants to go to counselling. Only because he wants to save this relationship, knows that what he is doing is WRONG and seems remorseful – then I say try to work towards it. But if he is still sneaking out (like Shaggy “it wasn’t me”), lying, taking things from the house to be with this woman and making you feel so confused and hurt, then it’s time to wish him “farewell.”

We sometimes hold on to things that really block our blessings; not realizing the moment we release the negative and walk away there is something better waiting patiently for us to come to our senses. I will also encourage you to seek counselling for yourself, so you can rebuild your self-esteem and recognize this type of negative behaviour in the future. I wish you only the very best going forward.

Rosie