Hey Rosie!
September 9, 2011
My boyfriend disowned me for another girl

Hey Rosie,

I am in a 4-year relationship with a guy whom I really care about, but I can really use some advice.

The beginning of our relationship was everything I hoped for until I found out he was cheating on me.{{more}}

I am the faithful, sweetheart type of lady who loves to be in long lasting relationships. I was even told by one of his family members that he’s cheating on me. Rosie, after I found out he cheated and I asked him, he kept denying it. I found a hidden picture of the girl he was cheating with, along with emails of naked pictures of her, and also a hidden HIV test which came out negative, but I kept it a secret. I also found a picture of myself which he always had on his table, but was then found between some old books, and it made me wonder if he hid my pictures whenever the other girl was over at his house, and he forgot to take that one out.

Upon all the struggle I decided to talk to a guy who became a comforter, and my boyfriend found out about him, then I came clean about my friend. I lied to my boyfriend about him and I was wrong, but the reason why I did it was because I felt like my boyfriend didn’t appreciate me. He’s always in my phone, deleting my numbers and so on, but even though I lied to my boyfriend a few times, I never cheated and I never will.

Rosie, the girl he cheated with migrated, but I just can’t seem to heal these scars he left me with. He even admitted that at that time, he told the other girl that he’s not in a relationship with me and it’s the exact thing he told me about her. There were times when my boyfriend and I met his other girl in town, and she tried to create confusion and he totally embarrassed her in front of me, and even ran behind of me whenever I walked off, even though she was there. Upon all this drama, Rosie, my main problem is, even though I lost love for him, I still love him, but I am no longer in love with him. My trust for him is gone. I don’t even believe when he says he loves me. I am no longer the sweetheart person I was before. I lost self worth, and to make matters even worse, I can’t even look into his eyes without seeing the stains of all the lies he told me. I know it’s in the past, but it still hurts a lot, because I feel there is more to all this. Nothing hurts more than just knowing that all this time I was there for him – he disowned me for another girl who also cheated on him.

Please Help

Dear Please Help,

Let’s get straight to the point here, why are you doing this to yourself? Why? I hope when you read your own letter in the paper this week, you can see it with new eyes…this isn’t a good relationship. I could sugar coat this, but ALL through this letter you’ve listed the hurt and pain that you’ve endured here and the line that troubled me the most was: “I lost self worth”. That was enough for me. When you have lost your way emotionally and can’t get past the hurt, you have to take a serious look at where YOU are going in your life.

Look, he cheated, he put himself at risk where he felt the need to get tested for HIV (that would have been it for me personally), and he lied about being in a relationship with you; you are unhappy, in addition to other trust issues. To add more to this ever growing saga, you met someone else who became a confidant. You said that there was no sex, but your ex is also controlling because he’s deleting your phone numbers in your phone? I just can’t! Stop being a victim! Just stop!

You are a highly, highly intelligent woman, not a woman who is enslaved, but a woman who has free will to make better choices in her life. You also have to heal you first, love you and be at peace, before you start another relationship. So in my opinion, I would let this go. This is a toxic relationship at this point, going no where fast. You have your identity all caught up in this whole mess, and that’s a mistake. Seek counseling, and really do some honest soul searching.

One day, when you are in a much better place, you will look back and realize that this very painful time was a life lesson to pull from and maybe even share and help some other young lady with. You will also find the kind of love that is yours and yours alone. But first, you have to heal yourself. I know you can.