Hey Rosie!
December 23, 2009
Will things turn around and bite me?

Dear Rosie,

What a predicament I’ve found myself in! A couple weeks ago, a good friend of mine asked me to do a personal favour for her: to flirt with her boyfriend and see if he would fall for me, just for her to see how easily it would be for him to cheat on her, even though she cheats on him.

At first, I hesitated, then later agreed because he doesn’t know that we are friends. So, he and I started hanging out. I reported every conversation back to her, including emails texts etc. I have got to like him, so now I only tell her the unimportant details. She now believes that we are getting too close, so she’s now telling me to end it so that she can confront him about it.

The problem is that I don’t want him to end up hating me for this, so I told her she’s not any better because she’s doing the same thing and just let it go and move on. Now Rosie, this is where the drama lies. How can I tell my friend that the reason I’m giving her this advice is because I have fallen for him and that we have had sex? And how can I face him and tell him that I lied and pretended to have feelings for him and that it was just a setup?

Another thing, Rosie, he is not just my friend’s boyfriend, he is also my co-worker. I wanna tell both of them the truth, but I’m scared because I know that I will end up losing her as a friend and him as a lover. Rosie, I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, so I decided that I’m gonna keep seeing him secretly and I intend to keep both secrets from each of them. But I’m wondering if the secret will end up hurting me?


My Dear Confused

Yes my girl, you have put yourself in a very, very messy situation. So much so that there are no winners at the end of the day. Before we go any further, I have to ask you: “Why would you agree to this?” This was such bad judgment on your part. Sort of that “Inner Voice” thing I spoke about last week.

First of all, if your girlfriend is asking you to snoop on her man, just say, “NO!” Never, never get involved or in between a couple and their issues. If your friend had doubts about her man she should have never asked you to be her detective. When you go looking for trouble, you tend to find it. That is what she got in this deal. I am still a little confused why she would want to “set up” her man if he wasn’t cheating on her to begin with.

Secondly, you said you hesitated (that’s the voice screaming at you, “don’t do it girl!”), but you went ahead anyway. You became emotionally involved. Now there was no turning back. You realized that your girlfriend had a pretty decent guy and hmm maybe she doesn’t really deserve him. If you are honest, this went through your head at some point. As the soap opera thickens, you were the one caught in the middle. Granted you were uncomfortable, but much too far gone with this deceptive game. I actually feel for you as well because you are the one who is aware of the complete deception going on here. It must feel very lonely and depressing as well.

Finally, the big part is that you have fallen for him and he seems to be into you as well. Even though he doesn’t know he is really a part of a sting operation. Yes, he is also a cheater. You have also slept together. But to add the massive cherry on this volatile situation is that you and this man work together. Wow! Much too close to comfort, if you ask me. You really are caught between a rock and a hard place. A hard place that you put yourself in I might add.

Let me tell you what more than likely is going to unfold here. She’s going to find out what REALLY has been going on, and she is not going to forgive you. I can’t see that happening. I also get the feeling that she was testing you as well. We can’t really say that you passed, can’t we? Then she will then go and confront him and tell him everything. Then it will be his turn to look at you as a traitor as well. All because you didn’t do the right thing to begin with. I know I am coming down on you very hard but I want to drive this point home. The one redeeming thing that has happened here is a lesson about following your instincts. You will have another lesson like this again at some point in your life. I would hope and pray that you will not repeat it.

Stop seeing this man. You may want to come clean to him first. After which you let him know that you are going to let his girl know. This is very tough to do, I know, but at least your conscience would be clear. I know you will be losing two people that you care a lot about. But this is the hole you dug for yourself. If you can’t tell them, then let the chips fall where they may. Nonetheless, this is a no win situation. However, I suspect that you are a bright enough young woman to never go down this road again. Keep your head up. We all make mistakes. Dust off and keep taking the high road.


n Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.