Hey Rosie!
March 6, 2009
How should I help him?

Hello Rosie,

I have a friend who is in need of help. I’ll call him Rohan. He has had some serious problems at home that he seems not to be able to cope with. As a result, Rohan would be rather “show selfish” and abusive in the way he speaks at meetings with coworkers and the boss at his place of work, deliberately and spitefully magnifying what he considers to be a flaw in a coworker.{{more}}

I find such to be hypocritical on his part, for he certainly does not set a good example in his way of life, based on what I saw personally, what I heard from reliable sources, and read about him. Past coworkers who left have vowed never to return, due to his biased and unprofessional behaviour at times. He surely needs help. Should I encourage him to go to a counselling agency, perhaps Marion House? Rosie, tell me please.

How should I help him before he goes too far? Looking forward to a reply soon. Thank you, Rosie, for caring.

Considerate One

Dear Considerate One,

Thank you for reaching out on behalf of your friend – Rohan. I think straight off the bat you hit the nail on the head. He has many issues at home that he is unable to cope with, so, therefore, he unleashes his frustrations at work.

It is truly a shame that many people choose to bring their personal hardships to work. To make someone feel intentionally inadequate and to demean others in public so that they can feel empowered is very sad. This type of behavior would only lead them alienating their support system around them, be it at work or at home. This person needs help.

Yes, I would pull him aside, not when you are at work, but in a more causal setting (it would be less confrontational). Remind him that you ARE his friend, but discuss how his behavior is bothering you. Explain to him that you see the reactions that his co-workers and managers have to his approach, and how uncomfortable it makes people feel. Explain again that you are his friend, but you think that he needs help, counseling to be exact. You can suggest any of the resources that you may have there at home.

Let me say this. This is not going to go down well. He is going to become very defensive and very unhappy with you for highlighting his flaws. He may resort to what he knows…which is to be insultive. All of this is to be expected. However, stand your ground, do not deviate from the issue at hand, continue to encourage him to seek help. If it gets too much for you, walk away, let him know that you care about his well being and when he is ready to face his reality that you will be there for him. Aside from that, there is nothing else that you can do.

Good luck, my friend. If you choose to tackle this, you have a monumental task ahead. But once you are armed with your plan of attack/approach, you should be fine. Good luck and good looking out for your friend.


Send questions to Rosie at: [email protected] or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.