Hey Rosie!
February 27, 2009
Which one should I choose?

Hey Rosie,

I am a seventeen-year-old secondary school student and I have been madly in love with one of my classmates for the past nine months. He knows that I love him and he seems to have feelings for me also. But in December, a boy from my village whom I’ve never loved or thought about, came out of nowhere and said he loves me and wants me to be his own and I said yes to him.{{more}}

He calls me every night to make sure I am fine. The thing is, I just can’t picture both of us together and I don’t even know if I love him. He seems to be a very nice guy; loving, caring, kindhearted, sweet, and everything you can ask for in a good man, but i just can’t feel it. I don’t want to play him. I just want to be in a good relationship like my other friends. But most of all I still have feelings for my classmate.

On the other hand, my classmate is also a nice guy. I will do any thing for him. I love and care for him so much. I love him with all my heart and every day I hope to be with him in a very nice long lasting relationship that can last a lifetime. But the thing that I am so mad about is that he has more that one girlfriend and he never has time for me.

Even when I am there, he goes and kisses other girls or even “winds” up on them, and if I talk to any boy, he gets mad easily and says I don’t love him.

I just don’t know what to do and I really need your help in choosing the right person. Is it my classmate or the villager?

Thank you very much in advance.

Hello, My Friend,

I understand what it feels like to be drawn to someone. No matter what they do, you can’t help but feel that attraction. However, having said that, not everyone who we are attracted to is going to be good for us.

This guy in your school, even though the feelings of attraction may be mutual, it would seem from his actions that he is all “player”. He is not committing to you or any of the other girls for that matter. He kisses them in your presence and makes you feel jealous. Yet when you just simply talk to another guy he gets upset. He likes that all of the girls stroke his ego and that is what makes him “tick”.

Now on to the young man in the neighborhood. He likes you but you really don’t feel the same about him. You can’t force love. It is something that is there or it isn’t. In this case there may be a great opportunity to make a lifelong friend. I believe that you should be straight up with people and let them know how you truly feel.

It is up to them to decide if they can deal with it or not.

My friend, you’ve heard me say this before. You are seventeen. Enjoy your life now. You do not have to make these life changing decisions right now. Go out in groups of guys and girls. Do not limit yourself to just one person. Get to know a little more about life and what you like and dislike. I will guarantee that what you may think is “hot” at 17 will not be so at 21. Keep your options open. Be smart. Be careful. Finish school and, oh yeah, forget the “player.” He isn’t the one for you.