Should I hold on or leave now?

Hey Rosie,

I am a nineteen year old young woman and am in love with a twenty-three year old guy, and he is in love with me, too. We have been going out now for the past one year and nine months and things had been going great until lately. My mother doesn’t want me seeing him. She doesn’t think he is right for me. She is judging him before she gets to know him. I know that I am young and I have to get something out of life first. I am doing that. I am working, and he said that’s great because he wants me to be independent.{{more}} She said he doesn’t give me anything, but I don’t need his money. I need him to love me and always be there for me. When he does give me money, we go and hang together and spend it or he buys me things. At this moment, he wants me to come and live with him. I know that I am young, but if it does not get any better for him and my mom, I will go and live with him. What do you think? Is it the right move for me to hold on and see if things will change or go and be with the one I love ?

Just Want To Be Together

Dear Just Want To Be Together,

You know I feel you. There is nothing like your first love and wanting to be together. Yes, many of us can remember who was our first love and where we were, as if it were a minute ago. That is how powerful an emotion you are going through at this time.

But let’s have a chit-chat for a moment and figure out how you can love this man and most of all love the person who will be connected to you for life…your mother.

My questions are very simple:

Why is she against him? REALLY. Be real for a moment with me and yourself. Is it the age? Is it that she feels he may have disrespected her? Did you come out in the beginning of the relationship and say: “Mommy, this is my boyfriend?” If so, how did she respond to you?

I was also doing some calculations; you were possibly 17 years old or early 18. He being four years older at that time may not have sat well with her either.

Finally, are you willing to do what it takes to have the two most important people in your life co-exist in harmony?

I totally acknowledge that you are in the eyes of the law an adult and can make adult decisions. But I want you to do so with a clear thought process (part of being a responsible adult). Like you, I don’t think that you need to move in with your boyfriend, because, believe me, the game changes quickly. No longer will it be the “lovey-dovey”, soft and sweet moments. You will be stepping into the role of the woman of the house and the responsibilities that come with that. Believe me, that is not a cute look at the moment!

Also, doing that will also cause a great rift between you and your Mom. She wants you to have your own life and to be independent for a while as a young woman. I think if approached in the right way, you will be able to let your mother understand that your loving this young man doesn’t mean that you don’t love her. Also, you must make sure that you continue with your education. That is the only true key to your financial future and success.

If your boyfriend is encouraging you to do better, he will stand by all of your positive decisions. As the woman in a relationship, you set the pace and the standard by which you should be treated. So I say, “No” stay at home. This is not the time for you to make this type of decision. As time goes on, the truth and what your future really holds starts to reveal itself. Enjoy being 19. there is time for that other stuff down the road!

Good Luck,

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.