Dear Rosie,
I am hoping that you may be of some help to me. I am Vincentian, but at the moment, I reside in the US with my two kids and husband.
I was involved with a guy in SVG for a few years and from that relationship we produced two kids (ages 13 & 11).{{more}} Things happened and we went our separate ways, but I always allowed him to be a part of our kidâs life.
The problem is he is now involved with a 24-year-old woman whose rent he is paying. While he is taking care of her, he does absolutely nothing for my kids, except give them empty promises and never follow up with them. I often talk to him about this and he curses me out; instead of seeing the impact his behaviour is having on the kidsâ life. This is affecting the kids since they both love him to death.
All I want is for him to take care of his kids financially. My husband is more of a father to them than their biological father. My question is, what can I do to have him take care of his kids, and should I allow his girlfriend to form a relationship with my kids, since thatâs the direction he is heading. Please give me some advice.
Mom has her hands full
Dear Mom has her hands full,
This is so very sad to me when I hear situations like yours. So let me advise you about the last part of your question first. No, I would not let your exâs âgirlfriendâ form a relationship with your children. Let me explain why. First of all, your ex shows no respect in the way he speaks to you and how he interacts with his children, so his girlfriend will be following this terrible example! What some men fail to realize is that they can take the high road and lead by example. Yet they drop the ball!
Your childrenâs father has pretty much established his priorities with his children. If he is not supporting them emotionally, you canât force him to. A man should want to love, support and be a guiding force in his childrenâs life. No one should have to force him to want to do this. Sad to say, âYou can lead a horse to water, but you canât make him drink!â This is his loss! Also, remember your children are quite aware of his broken promises and lack of involvement. They arenât blind or stupid! To the fathers out there, please remember that! Sometimes it is too late to build that bridge in your childrenâs lives… I can reference Shaquille OâNeal as a prime example of this!
Continue to raise your children with your husband. It is a blessing that they have this man as a role model every day in their lives. However, you should never speak badly about your childrenâs father in front of them. Believe me, it isnât worth it! He is doing a great job of that himself by his own actions. With regard to financial support, pursue what is rightly due to the children. If that means taking him to court, take him to court.
Keep on keeping on my friend. Your children are following your lead, and you are their true role model! Be blessed.
Rosie
Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.