My kids’ father is neglecting them!

Dear Rosie,

I am hoping that you may be of some help to me. I am Vincentian, but at the moment, I reside in the US with my two kids and husband.

I was involved with a guy in SVG for a few years and from that relationship we produced two kids (ages 13 & 11).{{more}} Things happened and we went our separate ways, but I always allowed him to be a part of our kid’s life.

The problem is he is now involved with a 24-year-old woman whose rent he is paying. While he is taking care of her, he does absolutely nothing for my kids, except give them empty promises and never follow up with them. I often talk to him about this and he curses me out; instead of seeing the impact his behaviour is having on the kids’ life. This is affecting the kids since they both love him to death.

All I want is for him to take care of his kids financially. My husband is more of a father to them than their biological father. My question is, what can I do to have him take care of his kids, and should I allow his girlfriend to form a relationship with my kids, since that’s the direction he is heading. Please give me some advice.

Mom has her hands full

Dear Mom has her hands full,

This is so very sad to me when I hear situations like yours. So let me advise you about the last part of your question first. No, I would not let your ex’s “girlfriend” form a relationship with your children. Let me explain why. First of all, your ex shows no respect in the way he speaks to you and how he interacts with his children, so his girlfriend will be following this terrible example! What some men fail to realize is that they can take the high road and lead by example. Yet they drop the ball!

Your children’s father has pretty much established his priorities with his children. If he is not supporting them emotionally, you can’t force him to. A man should want to love, support and be a guiding force in his children’s life. No one should have to force him to want to do this. Sad to say, “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make him drink!” This is his loss! Also, remember your children are quite aware of his broken promises and lack of involvement. They aren’t blind or stupid! To the fathers out there, please remember that! Sometimes it is too late to build that bridge in your children’s lives… I can reference Shaquille O’Neal as a prime example of this!

Continue to raise your children with your husband. It is a blessing that they have this man as a role model every day in their lives. However, you should never speak badly about your children’s father in front of them. Believe me, it isn’t worth it! He is doing a great job of that himself by his own actions. With regard to financial support, pursue what is rightly due to the children. If that means taking him to court, take him to court.

Keep on keeping on my friend. Your children are following your lead, and you are their true role model! Be blessed.

Rosie

Send questions to Rosie at: heyrosie24@yahoo.com or P.O Box 152, Kingstown, St. Vincent & the Grenadines.