February 13, 2009
Child sexual abuse and incestuous relationships

by Jason Haynes 13.FEB.09

Sometimes a father, uncle, or teacher may sexually abuse our sisters and brothers, and we only find out after the incident has long passed. Every survivor, therefore, has his/ her own story, and every story is valid! This twaddle must stop!{{more}}

Each victim responds differently to the pain and terror of incest and childhood sexual abuse. Every victim struggles to regain his/her identity and to keep on functioning in society. Too often, however, these coping mechanisms become problematic and don’t serve the survivor well as an adult. Common coping mechanisms include self-injury, substance abuse, eating disorders and dissociation.

If you are or were involved in an incestuous or sexually abusive relationship as a child (or adult for that matter), though it will be difficult, you need to tell your stories to people who understand what you have experienced. Talking with others in counselling or in special support groups breaks the silence, helps you to gain a new perspective and realise that you are not alone. This eases the pain and helps you feel healthier and stronger. For some victims, they feel much better after confronting the family member who abused them. This is a frightening task, but if it is the right thing to do for your recovery, it can also be rewarding.

In sum, if you are or have been a perpetrator of this immoral and criminal act, please make haste in setting things right. While it is true that you cannot change what has happened, what you can do is to sever any intention you would have had to continue down this negative path. It’s not too late! While I do not wish to advocate a particular religious persuasion, I wish to implore you to find that inner strength and conviction to confess your wrong doings, not to man, but to God – for He is willing and just to forgive! Do not be presumptuous. Exalt the principle of humility, and if it so burdens you to ask your victim for forgiveness, go right ahead – it’s up to you! The important thing, however, is to get your life back on track. If you don’t, you will not escape the consequences of your actions!