Searchlight Logo
special_image

    • News
      • Front Page
      • News
      • Breaking News
      • Press Release
      • Features
      • Special Features
      • From the Courts
      • Sports
      • Regional / World
    • Opinions
      • Editorial
      • Our Readers’ Opinions
      • Bassy – Love Vine
      • Dr. Fraser- Point of View
      • R. Rose – Eye of the Needle
      • On Target
      • Dr Jozelle Miller
      • The World Around Us
      • Random Thoughts
    • Advice
      • Kitchen Corner
      • What’s on Fleek this week
      • Health Wise
      • Physician’s Weekly
      • Business Buzz
      • Hey Rosie!
      • Prime the pump
    • ePaper
    • Obituaries
      • In Memoriam / Acknowledgement
      • Tribute
    • Contact Us
      • Advertise With Us
      • Letters To The Editor
      • General Contact Information
      • Contact our Webmaster
    • About Us
      • Interactive Media Ltd
      • St. Vincent & the Grenadines
    • Subscribe
    • News
      • Front Page
      • News
      • Breaking News
      • Press Release
      • Features
      • Special Features
      • From the Courts
      • Sports
      • Regional / World
    • Opinions
      • Editorial
      • Our Readers’ Opinions
      • Bassy – Love Vine
      • Dr. Fraser- Point of View
      • R. Rose – Eye of the Needle
      • On Target
      • Dr Jozelle Miller
      • The World Around Us
      • Random Thoughts
    • Advice
      • Kitchen Corner
      • What’s on Fleek this week
      • Health Wise
      • Physician’s Weekly
      • Business Buzz
      • Hey Rosie!
      • Prime the pump
    • ePaper
    • Obituaries
      • In Memoriam / Acknowledgement
      • Tribute
    • Contact Us
      • Advertise With Us
      • Letters To The Editor
      • General Contact Information
      • Contact our Webmaster
    • About Us
      • Interactive Media Ltd
      • St. Vincent & the Grenadines
    • Subscribe
Dr Jozelle Miller
July 26, 2016

Am I emotionally unavailable?

Being emotionally available is not that easy for any of us. It is a fact that one of life’s interesting phenomena is that we often reject the very thing we seek. So, the most distant and emotionally unavailable people desperately want to be available and feel that connection, but fear and learned coping strategies get in the way. Generally, emotional availability in men is different than in women, both because of society’s conditioning and because most men experience interpersonal bonding differently than most women.{{more}}

Being emotionally available is not simply about sharing emotions; it is about openness with another person. It’s about recognizing where you are emotionally in that moment, even if it brings discomfort, instead of running or masking it as something it truly isn’t.

It is not about over-sharing or being dramatic for the sake of it; it is sharing what is relevant to develop that connection in an authentic way. It is about knowing the personal behaviours that avoid true openness and availability. It is at the start very uncomfortable, awkward and even alien to someone who wasn’t socialized to be available emotionally from childhood.

Emotional unavailability can be quite taxing and draining to deal with. If you’ve ever been in a relationship with someone emotionally unavailable, you know the pain of not being able to get close to the one you love. They’re evasive, make excuses, or are just inept when it comes to talking about feelings or the relationship. Some use anger, criticism, or activities to create distance. You end up feeling alone, depressed, unimportant, or rejected. Women typically complain about men; but we are not mindful that many of us are equally as emotionally unavailable.

There are several types of unavailability, both temporary and chronic. Some people have always been unavailable, due to mental illness or a troubled childhood. Others temporarily make something a higher priority than a relationship, such as a family obligation, education, project, or a health concern. People recently divorced or widowed may temporarily not be ready to get involved with someone new. In the middle are those who are too afraid to risk falling in love, because they’ve been hurt by one or more relationships, which may include being hurt by a parent when they were a child. Often, these different reasons for unavailability overlap, and it’s difficult to ascertain whether the problem is chronic or will pass.

When looking for a close, committed relationship, a person living in another state, or who is married or still in love with someone else is definitely not going to be your best choice. Similarly, addicts, including workaholics, are unavailable because their addiction is the priority and it controls them. Still, some people give the appearance of availability and speak openly about their feelings and their past. You don’t realize until you’re already in a relationship that they’re unable to really connect emotionally or make a commitment.

Next time, I will discuss how to spot emotional unavailability.

Dr Miller is Health Psychologist at the Milton Cato Memorial Hospital.

  • FacebookComments
  • ALSO IN THE NEWS
    Free movement of  people in 4 Caricom states begins tomorrow
    Front Page
    Free movement of people in 4 Caricom states begins tomorrow
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    Many Vincentians and other Caribbean Community (CARICOM) nationals are welcoming the decision by four CARICOM governments to institute the free moveme...
    ‘Unprincipled  non-state operators in Europe seeking to pollute” elections in SVG – PM Gonsalves
    Front Page
    ‘Unprincipled non-state operators in Europe seeking to pollute” elections in SVG – PM Gonsalves
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    Prime Minister Dr. Ralph Gonsalves, told the United Nations (UN) General Assembly a few days ago that entities in the international sphere are seeking...
    Bramble promises $1 million from CBI money for 50  businesses in East Kingstown
    Front Page
    Bramble promises $1 million from CBI money for 50 businesses in East Kingstown
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    The opposition New Democratic Party (NDP), moved its campaign to Sion Hill last Saturday, September, 27,2025 as it seeks to retain its hold on the Eas...
    PM calls at U N meeting for better deal for Taiwan, Haiti
    Front Page
    PM calls at U N meeting for better deal for Taiwan, Haiti
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    Prime Minister, Dr Ralph Gonsalves renewed his call at the United Nations for the inclusion of Taiwan in the organisation’s specialised agencies. Deli...
    Over EC$700,000 paid to VincyMas 2025 Winners
    Front Page
    Over EC$700,000 paid to VincyMas 2025 Winners
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    More than EC$700,000 in prize money was handed out to the 2025 VincyMas winners, on Sunday night, September, 28,2025, at Carnival City, Victoria Park....
    Caribbean launches Shelter Working Group to boost Disaster Preparedness
    Press Release
    Caribbean launches Shelter Working Group to boost Disaster Preparedness
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    As the Atlantic Hurricane season reaches its peak, more than 47 disaster management professionals from across the Caribbean and beyond have joined for...
    News
    Rose Place woman  remanded for threatening to “blow out” man’s head
    From the Courts, News
    Rose Place woman remanded for threatening to “blow out” man’s head
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    A woman who resides at Rose Place was remanded after threatening to “blow out” a farmer’s head. Rasharma Pollard appeared at the Kingstown Magistrate’...
    Court grants father’s request for jail time for his son
    From the Courts, News
    Court grants father’s request for jail time for his son
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    A father’s request was granted when his son, who had pointed a gun at him, was imprisoned. Simon Simmons appeared at the Kingstown Magistrate’s Court ...
    Cervical cancer initiative launched in SVG
    News
    Cervical cancer initiative launched in SVG
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    Cervical cancer is one of the few cancers that can be prevented and even eliminated, provided that countries strengthen their vaccination, screening, ...
    Prayer sustains woman  caring for her husband who has Alzheimer’s Disease
    News
    Prayer sustains woman caring for her husband who has Alzheimer’s Disease
    Webmaster 
    September 30, 2025
    The world recognized Alzheimer’s Day on September, 21, 2025, but for the Muhammad family, of Largo Height, Alzheimer’s is an everyday reality that is ...
    Librarian and Poet uses  spoken-word as a relief Valve
    News
    Librarian and Poet uses spoken-word as a relief Valve
    Webmaster 
    September 26, 2025
    Often times, people’s struggles, insecurities, physical issues and inner pain are masked by an exterior that looks strong, poised and well put togethe...

    E-EDITION
    ePaper
    google_play
    app_store
    Subscribe Now
    • Interactive Media Ltd. • P.O. Box 152 • Kingstown • St. Vincent and the Grenadines • Phone: 784-456-1558 © Copyright Interactive Media Ltd.. All rights reserved.
    We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it.Ok