Dear Pastor
February 3, 2006
He’s not the one for me

Dear Pastor,

I have a concern and I will really like your opinion. I am usually very impressed with the advice that you give weekly. I especially like the way that you are straight forward.

The thing is that I have been involved with this man for a while now. I recently gave my heart to the Lord and we are talking about getting married. {{more}}The problem is that I am totally convinced that he is not the one for me. Since I have been going to Church I have been hearing a lot about purpose and things like that and somehow I don’t see my life with him as long term.

I am afraid though that my name will call and people will think that I am ungrateful. I mean it is not that I hate him or anything like that but I just don’t think I am ready to commit myself to a life with him. It may sound bad but now I think I am looking for more. Do I sound selfish? Need your help.


Hi my Confused sister,

Congratulations on your new birth. May the Lord of our soul guide you as you continue to honor him with your life. Your situation is one that has caused many headaches within the Church. So many times we as Pastors and leaders in the church have been quick to “fix” common law situations so that one party could “serve the Lord”. Yes, many times the couples live “happily ever after” and the unsaved partner follows the saved one in the faith, “Praise the Lord!” But let us be real. That’s not the way we should counsel new believers.

We must continue to emphasize the importance of sacrifice for the sake of the kingdom of God and His principles. We have to tell women or men to stand for their faith as a single person (once they are not already married). And as it is in your case, once saved, operating under the wisdom and guidance of the Lord, choose who you want to spend the rest of your life with in the covenant of marriage.

Marriage must never be devalued as a “fix up” tool because in Christ you are complete and sometimes even a “good” relationship while a sinner has to be left at the altar as you pursue the will of God.

Is it tough….I can’t pretend it isn’t because it is….Many times relationships have spanned donkey years and involve children and so it is understandable why a person will just want to quickly “fix “ their situation.

In your case though, darling, please don’t feel guilty that your eyes have been opened and now you are looking for a closer walk and direction from the Lord.

I hope though that you are being honest and it is not that you have seen some young brother in the church who has caught your attention. If this is the case then be straight forward with the guy in your life…and also if it is, take your time. As a baby in Christ now more than ever you need to grow in the Lord and not operate on the same emotional impulses that directed your decision making in the past. Be sure that you are fulfilling purpose.

My sister, trust your heart and do as the Lord is leading you…but be sensitive and considerate as you reveal your intentions.

Pastor Jackson