Dear Pastor
November 25, 2005
I just can’t trust my boyfriend anymore

Dear Pastor Jackson,

I am a weekly reader of your articles and your advice. I have been in love with this guy for almost six years and everything is going ok. But, Pastor, I heard him talking on the phone late one night. Pastor, I went where he was and asked him who he was talking to and he told me it was a friend. Pastor, he normally talks to me in a certain tone of voice and that was the same way he talked to the “friend”. Pastor, I felt bad because he talked the same way he does to me so it was not just a friend in my mind. What do you think?{{more}}

Pastor, we argued about it. He told me he only met her a month before and she likes him. Pastor, I asked him if he likes her and he said yes but that they are only friends.

Pastor, I used to trust him because I love him, but after that night I don’t trust him anymore. Pastor, he wants us to move on and forget about that but I can’t because the girl is still calling him. What should I do? He said he loves me and will stop talking to her if he has to but I feel he is just saying that to make me feel better.

Pastor, I am confused, every time I remember the way he talked and reacted on the phone I get upset. I really need your advice.


Hi Confused,

I don’t think you should be confused, about your reaction that is… because you were right. When I heard you speak about the tone of voice in which he spoke to the young lady with, I smiled, because it proved that your intuition is working well.

Your boyfriend is at the very least flirting with this young lady whom he might be a bit smitten with. That phone call you overheard was a great blessing because if he had not yet crossed the physical line (he most likely have crossed the emotional one) this could serve to be the wake up call that snaps him off this dangerous road of feeding his desire which inevitably leads to unfaithfulness, a rocky road to rebound from.

On the plus side he admitted that he liked her and she liked him so he did not lie to you and honesty is the great spring board from which repentance and change are propelled. And if he says that he will cut his communication with the young lady for the sake of the relationship then he should be applauded and you should not enter with an air of suspicion; take him at his word. He might have disappointed you by what that phone call implied but he hasn’t (I don’t believe) lied to you and so if he is seeking to make amends, flow with him.

If he is serious it will be very commendable of him to realize that what he has built with you over the years is worth preserving and should not be compromised by the luring and intensity of a fling. And even the risk of such should be averted at all cost.

In general though you should know that the fact that your boyfriend may be attracted to someone else is quite normal. The challenge for him and all of us is to practise self-control and to resist the pull of exploration.

I know you are disappointed but don’t hang your head, look at it as a test and when your relationship comes through this you will both be stronger for it.

Pastor Jackson