Dear Pastor
August 26, 2005
Outside man not very honest at all

Dear Pastor Jackson,

I always read your articles and do enjoy the comments and advice that you give on a weekly basis. I am writing you about a situation that I put myself in.

Pastor, I am a married woman with children and grandchildren. Ever since, my husband and I have had problems. Pastor, he never treated me good. Now he is getting old, and I have to take care of him and I still look young and healthy. I have met this person who I get along with really well and to be honest we have begun to date. We have become really close and are together. {{more}}

The thing is he is also married and has children and even other women. It is only after I got involved with him that I realized that he is a smart man going around fooling women who think that he is clean cut and honest.

Pastor, now me and my husband are getting divorced, but I am not sure what I am doing, because I thought I had a future with this man, but so many women are calling my phone, cussing and threatening me to stay away from him and so on.

Pastor, I used to be a Christian but I have backslidden and now I am in a real mess. I am even thinking about going back to my husband. I really don’t know what to do. Can you please give me some advice.

Hi Dear,

You are right about your life being in a real mess. I understand that your marriage was messed up and your husband didn’t treat you good in his younger days. So I guess being blessed with your “beauty” you felt that revenge was the way to get back at him and live it up a bit. I wish that you and many of us will understand that kindness is the greatest source of pain for someone who has done us wrong.

By resorting to the adulterous lifestyle that you have, not only have you further complicated your life but now put yourself in the same sorry state as the husband that you sought to get even with. When you thought you were playing, you were getting played. Be that as it may, you have no choice but to take your bottom lip off the floor, dust off your pants or skirt and stop the bleeding of your character.

Don’t give your husband such power over you to reduce you to a life of getting even and living it up. Return to your husband? Yes, if he will have you, care for him until death do you part. This by no means suggests that he will die before you, because life has its funny plot twists.

Why not try to end your time together (no matter who dies first) in peace and a spirit of forgiveness. Maybe now is the time, with both your hands dirty, to face up to the mess you guys might have made not only to your lives but perhaps (I however hope not) to those of your children, and God forbid, your grandchildren. Show them the power of two adults who have faced up to the frailty of life and the importance of settling issues that might have plagued for years.

Hey, what might be an embarrassing slap in your face, and it should be, could turn out to be a leveling ground of reconciliation and forgiveness. You guys owe it to the vows you took to get some joy, however fading, out of this marriage that you messed up.

One more thing, most importantly, get back to the Lord of your salvation….you should have never left the Lord in the first place! But if you are broken and contrite the promise of God is that he won’t despise you, have faith in his word no matter what happens in your situation.

Pastor Jackson