Dear Pastor
June 24, 2005
Young man wants to quit relationship with older woman

Dear Pastor Jackson,

I usually read your article in the papers. I have a problem that I am dealing with and would like your advice.

Pastor, I am in a relationship with a woman, and has been really good to me over the years. In fact, she was the one who helped me get my job and taught me how to save and make my life what it is now. You see, she was older than I am and she really did a lot for me. But now that I have gotten older I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. {{more}}I want us to continue to be friends, but I really want to end the romantic aspect of it. The thing is I feel a bit obligated to her and I don’t want to seem ungrateful for all that she has done.

How should I handle that? I really don’t want to hurt her.

I need help.


Greetings to you,

I understand your situation and do admire your sense of loyalty, it speaks well of you. However, I have to be blunt with you. A romantic relationship should not be primarily based on gratitude. When one is building a life with another, leading to marriage and so on, the right foundation must be set. There must be a solid, pure connection between the two individuals if there is to be a truly rewarding life together.

I can’t help but wonder how your lady will feel if she knew that the only reason you are still “her man” is because she helped you find your job and basically your manhood. If she is satisfied with that then something is seriously wrong with her thinking.

Brother, you need to be honest with her. Let her know that you have grown up and perhaps only now have a clear understanding of what you need and want in life. You may also be just fine-tuning your “taste”, as it were, in women and so this dis-satisfaction.

I do hope though, that you were not a vampire who preyed on an older lady’s attraction to you, used her, and is now seeking to enjoy your new found position in life with some younger lady? If you are, it will come back to haunt you.

I could be wrong but I don’t pick this up as being your motive. So brother, just speak the truth, obviously she will be hurt because it is a normal human reaction, but in time all will be well. But most of all do not live a lie, be true to yourself.

Pastor Jackson