Dear Pastor
June 3, 2005
I know my man is cheating on me

Dear Pastor,

Thank you for the many insights you give weekly, they are indeed tremendous.

I am a young woman in my twenties with some sleepless nights. I have a boyfriend who I think lie to me constantly. Every time I am at his home he has his cell on silent. And no matter how it rings he refuses to answer once I am around. {{more}}

I found pictures of ladies in his wallet without him knowing and when I ask him if he carry around other ladies photos in his wallet he said no.

He went away for a weekend a few months back and called me once and gave me some excuse why he didn’t call all he did was send me a text message, saying he wanted to get away from everyone and everything for a while.

The worst of all is a situation that occurred a few weeks ago. I received a call from a young lady, from my boyfriend cell phone cursing me and telling me to leave her boyfriend alone. When I got to the bottom of the story this girl actually took his phone from his house. She has been living abroad for sometime and now returned to claim her man as she put it. He has made it clear to me that he is not going to get involved with her ever again.

Pastor Jackson he is saying to me that since the girl got back he went out with her twice behind my back and nothing happened between them. He said he never gave her the impression that he wants her back because he told her that he has a girlfriend, but why would she claim that he’s her boyfriend if he didn’t give her a reason to believe so?

I really love this guy and I care a lot about him, but deep down inside I know he’s lying to me. He cheated before and I forgave him. Every time I tell him I’m leaving him he starts crying and carrying on begging me not to leave him. He confuses me because he still treats me like he loves me and care for me, so am wondering if I have a player on my hands. Thanking you in advance.


Dear Hurting,

I hate being the bearer of bad news but I do suspect that you may have a situation of unfaithfulness to deal with in your relationship.

If your boyfriend is not being unfaithful then he is being very foolish. The only female picture a man should have in his wallet besides his wife or girlfriend is his mother, daughter, sister etc, so you have all reason to be upset.

The phone drama mixed with this ex-girlfriend and the fact that he has cheated before stacks up heavily. And points to serious problems.

When you forgave him before I hope you considered that it was possible that the issue of unfaithfulness could revisit your relationship.

I could understand why it would be confusing for you to balance what you suspect and how he treats you but it really isn’t rocket science. You are the one he wants to be with (his main girl) but it seems that he also want to dabble on the outside… so obviously the thought of losing you will be heartbreaking…but does he love you?

Well no one is perfect and unfaithfulness is possible in any relationship ……avoidable but possible. However if someone really loves their wife or girlfriend they should be doing every thing possible to cut the necessary ties, avoid testing situation and make every effort to build their relationship and avoid the unfaithfulness. If this is not the attitude then I must question such a person’s love. Be guided my dear, I pray for your sake that your boyfriend comes clean, repents, seeks help and be faithful to you but if not you may have to cut your loses and move on, sad but true!

Pastor Jackson