Dear Pastor
January 21, 2005
Avoiding a scandal – it was just a fling

Dear Pastor,

A happy New Year to you and all your readers. Pastor, I would really like to get your advice on how I should handle a situation that is making me very uncomfortable. You see I had a brief fling with a man that I shouldn’t have. We were both attracted to each other and gave in to those desires on a couple of occasions. Since then, however, I have done some serious soul searching and have decided that it doesn’t matter how we feel, I do not want to get in the midst of any scandal with him. {{more}}

He is not married or anything like that but has a steady girlfriend and a child with her. Pastor, I got myself in something like that before and really don’t want to face that kind of drama again. The problem is, we always cross paths and he is still talking about it. I do not want to treat him bad or anything but I rather that it just dies before it becomes a problem.

Need Advice

Dear Need Advice,

What was casual and easily forgotten for you may be more serious and difficult to resist for him. I always say that people under-estimate the powerful connection that sex can cause to develop. It is true that many brag about “casual affairs” they may have but if they are honest, what they term as casual may very well turn out to be deep and addictive. How many lovers have sworn to keep their affairs cool, “no strings attached”, and then when the rubber hits the road one or both parties are willing to give up everything, risk the scandal to be with each other because they have become knitted to each other?

The thing is that once you have made the resolve you must not entertain the discussions with the guy in question – no stroll down the short memory lane – and hopefully with time, and with no avenue of expression he may get over it and move on.

As for you, I hope this situation teaches you a lesson and brings you to a place of self-control and more virtuous management of your sexuality and its expression.

Our sexuality is very powerful I know, but we must work hard and practice right principles because after you roll off the sheets, many lives can be affected by your decisions.