Dear Pastor
December 23, 2004

Caught between God and unsaved boyfriend

Dear Pastor,

I am a weekly reader of your column. I recently made a decision to come back to the lord but I have a problem. It is the one thing that led me away from the Lord in the first place. I am truly in love with my boyfriend and we have been together for a couple of years now. He is unsaved; we have talked about him giving his life to Christ and he does have plans to do that but I am afraid that it might be too late when he decides to do so. {{more}}We have had sex (he took my virginity). I realize that it was wrong but at the time I thought I was strong enough to prevent that from happening. We have talked about this and I told him I wish I had waited and do not want to live my life like this anymore and he supports me to some extent. He said if I don’t want to have sex when we are together he will not force or pressure me. Pastor, I was away from St Vincent for a couple months so we only spoke over the phone. I told him that when I see him I don’t want to have sex but I am not sure if I can hold to that seeing that I will be visiting him at his home.

So I have two problems in a nutshell. I know I should not be with an unsaved person but I am and I love him, but the worse problem in my book is the fact that I am not sure that I can resist having sex when I see him.

I also have a problem with prayer. Whenever I try praying it seems like I have nothing to say. I have stopped going to parties and things like that but I really want to serve God all the way.


Hi Confused,

When all is said and done, as tough as it may seem, it comes down to whom you love more. It is one thing to say that you REALISE that your relationship is wrong or your sexual activities are ungodly but it is a whole different thing to make a change. Many of us find ourselves in situations, develop habits that are ungodly, unhealthy etc and most times there is always a mental assent to the truth of our actions. The average wife beater will say yes, I should not hit my wife, many unfaithful spouses will admit that they are being “dogs” for cheating on their partners, even obese people will put their hands up and admit they eat too much or have unhealthy eating habits, but changing is where the rubber hits the road.

You must now take that realization and usher it into a decision followed by related actions.

Your boyfriend may say that he will not pressure you if you don’t want to have sex but the problem is you will “want to” have sex… you are human and you have experienced it before so the thing is not if you WANT TO but rather if you CHOOSE TO have sex!

Listen, the Lord is always challenging us to make choices based on our love for him so as much as you love your boyfriend you will have to make a decision to decide whether your love for him or your desire to honour your God is more important……Your choice expresses where your heart really is at; you’ve got to walk the talk darling. Hey all of us are faced with challenges but if God be God then we have to serve him, even though I know it isn’t easy at times.

As for your prayer life both your situations could be linked… It could very well be that you have nothing to say to the Lord. He is calling on you, convincing you, challenging you to repent and trust him to work your life out. So until you do that I believe that you are stuck. It is almost like the Lord is asking you, as you approach him in prayer, have you done what I have asked you to do yet? And your answer is……..????????