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Ex-lover wants me back

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Dear Pastor Jackson,

I am in the middle of a discussion that I have to make and I really need some advice. I was in a relationship with a man for about two years. I found out that he was being very unfaithful so I broke off the relationship. He since went to live in Canada. We were friends a long time before being in the relationship, so I never kept him as an enemy, even though I was hurt. Whenever he called from Canada we would chat, but whenever he talked about getting back together, I would draw the line. The thing is, I have been thinking for a while now that I need a change of scenery to get a fresh start on my life. {{more}}

My ex-boyfriend recently visited and made me an offer to come to Canada. He said that he is able to get me up and help me get started with no strings attached. Pastor, I am really tempted to go, but I am afraid that I will get hooked up with him again because I don’t know anybody in Canada close to me, besides him.

I think he really wants to help, but being with me is part of his plan. What do you think I should do?


Hi Confused,

Not every door opened is a blessing. I know having a fresh start in life, and the opportunity to be in North America is exciting, but at what cost? I honestly agree with you that your ex boyfriend has some ulterior motives: a relationship with you. Now you have made it clear that you are not considering that option, and so, he is not the person I would advise you to take favours from. It would have been different if he were helping you – I hope legally.

But you have other relatives, friends or even acquaintances where you can base yourself until you get on your feet. But, as it stands, you will be totally dependant on your “knight in shining armor” and I think he is counting on that reality to help restart the romantic relationship you guys once shared.

Just a thought to consider though. Sometimes, when we think we need a “fresh start”, it isn’t really geographically, but rather mentally, and more so spiritually. Whatever is your life’s attitude and view of your life’s purpose will show up wherever you are. So, maybe you should not hinge your “life’s turn-a-round” on a new place of residence, but rather a new place of mental and spiritual resolve … and, as you ponder this, remember, no one knows you better than the Lord who made you.