Dear Pastor
November 12, 2004
Relative talks too much

Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and the nation of St. Vincent in Jesus’ name.

I have a problem and I would like your honest opinion. I have some relatives who are always blaming my cousins for things that they don’t do. The thing is, pastor, my relatives have a mother who always accuses other people and talks about other peoples’ children. The Bible speaks about making sure your house is in order before you start on someone else’s own. Her own kids are always feeling that they are better than other people. Well pastor, at this moment one of her kids has children with a married man, and the Bible speaks about adultery and she is encouraging it in her house. {{more}}

Pastor, it hurts me to know that she is always talking about other peoples’ kids and not her own, and always meddles in other people’s business and is always the first to criticize. Please help me find a way to get through to her so that she can stop these things that she is doing.


Dear Hurt,

I can tell you one sure way that you are NOT going to get through to her – by enjoying or reveling in her children’s folly, i.e., the one with children with the married man.

You have to understand that for many of us it is easier to look out at problems and not see them right under our own noses. At times it is the spirit of pride that blocks our vision but other times, and quite often, it is fear and a sense of helplessness. When someone speaks about other people’s business and seems to be an expert at pulling down others, often there lies someone who’s trying to build a mask over their shameful predicament. When one feels powerless to change his/her misfortunes or bad situation it is so much easier to comment on others, taking the spotlight away from oneself.

What we all have to realize, including you and me, is that none of us is exempt from challenges, bad decisions, tough breaks and shameful, hurtful family turmoil, but how we handle them is the key.

We have to do our best to get to the bottom of what is messing up our lives and those of our love ones and do the best we can. In the instance of children, relatives, etc., once we have tried to help and give necessary assistance, we have done our part and so must not be lured into a sense of blame for their choices.

And as God’s word directs, we must do unto others as we would like it done unto us. Feel the pain of a mother whose children bring her shame, cry for the young woman who has thrown her life into a tailspin by teenage pregnancy, etc., but do not smirk or secretly point the “lucky is them and not me” finger … because there is an old saying, “What ent meet you ent pass you,” or simply put YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT’S COMING YOUR WAY!

So you do the same for your aunt – do not adopt her attitude, pray for her children, give her words of encouragement.