Dear Pastor
August 20, 2004

My friend bad talking me with another friend

Dear Pastor Jackson,

I want to congratulate you on the good job you do giving answers to people who have different problems. I hope you can give me some much needed guidance right now. My problem may seem simple compared to the type of letters you usually get, but this situation is really affecting me.{{more}}
Pastor, I have this friend for a very long time, and I thought we were very close. I recently found out that this friend has been bad talking me with another friend. This other person said that everything I tell my friend she tells him and always has negative things to say about me. When this guy told me some of the things my so-called friend said about me, it destroyed me. And it really hurts because even all my private business she talks about and I mean real private things. Now when she comes by me I am boiling inside, but I never say anything to her. She visits and behaves normal, and I try to do the same thing but sometimes, honestly, I feel I could just strangle her; she is a real hypocrite. I know for sure I could never trust anybody in life again. I don’t know what you could tell me to get me through this.

Stabbed In The Back


I feel you, I really do feel you, the hurt that you feel is justified. You see, we were created as social beings. From the very beginning of time mankind was not made to be islands unto themselves. It was God’s intention that we have companionship. This goes beyond romantic relationships (between a man and a woman), but friendships. You see, we all go through stuff in our lives and so friendships are crucial. No one should be going it all alone. But your problem is a real risk in friendships – there is always a “Judas” who will betray you and when that reality hits home it hurts deeply.
However, one must see it as part of the passage of life. Get up, accept the betrayal and the “cross” it may lead you to and continue to live. We can learn one thing from Christ’s dealing with Judas, though: when Judas came and kissed him, he confronted him. I paraphrase: “So you are betraying me with a kiss?” In other words, “I know what you are doing to me.”
I said that to say that it is important that you confront your “friend” and let her know that you know; it is important to your healing. Otherwise, every time you see her, as she continues to pretend, you will relive the truth of her unfaithfulness in your mind. So you may be having a great, fulfilling day then she shows up and it is spoilt; all types of negative feelings and desires choke you up… She isn’t worth that stress! In fact your confronting her may be exactly what she needs to change. You may then find out why she is how she is. And you never know, a real friend may be made of her yet.
No matter what happens, though, don’t give up on friendship. What does the song say? “We all need somebody to lean on!”

Pastor Jackson